[elSicomoro]

I was plugging away on the phone at work today, when someone made an offhand comment just after 9 this morning...

"Hey, a plane crashed into one of the World Trade Towers..."

Unfortunately, my company has a firewall up, so I can't access the internet. A short time later, I hear that another plane has crashed into the second tower. From there, the news continued to trickle out further. At 11:30, we sent all the parents home, which took about 1/3 of our workforce. One employee's sister was at the WTC--she got out. Another employee's mother works there--no word yet.

During lunch, I scanned my boss's computer (since he has the net). I was only able to access the Washington Post. Quite frankly, it was frightening. My fiance used to drive by the Pentagon every morning, and worked a mere 10 minutes from there.

Then I saw this particular number: 50,000. 50,000 people possibly dead?! On our own soil? At this point, all the chaos seemed so unreal.

Then further news: Palestinians celebrating. Immediately, the anti-Arab sentiment started rising. I tried to keep my own employees in line by trying to focus them on work...although it was admittedly difficult.

At times during the day, I would begin to tear up. No god, goddess, or creator would ever justify something like this as means to an end. Why on earth would someone or some people feel a need to commit an act like this? In most religions, suicide is the ultimate sin that bars you from the pearly gates. In my opinion, there is no real honor in killing yourself. Rather than carry themselves like dignified human beings, they cowardized themselves...possibly killing thousands in the process.

As I drove home about 5:30, there was an eerie calm. The Schuykill Expressway was quiet, as if it were a Saturday morning and not the middle of rush hour.

I got home and had a chance to see some of the taped feeds. The only pictures I had seen online were the damage to the first building (before the second plane hit) and a picture of the second building collapsing. Unreal...

But perhaps the picture that was most jarring was shown about 8pm on NBC. Someone had climbed out one of the towers and jumped. The camera followed the jumper's fall until blocked by another building. My fiance burst into tears.

I am relieved, however, that some of things I had initially heard were not true (e.g. that there were 8 unaccounted planes; that the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania was shot down by the military).

If any of you lost friends or loved ones, let me offer my deepest condolences.

I don't believe that God is an angry God, nor do I question God. Whoever committed these attacks, or was responsible for authorizing them, will be punished--severely. I don't anticipate France or Russia giving the US too much of a hard time on this one.

At this point though, the only thing we as American citizens, and as a country, can do is move forward. Obviously, it is a time for mourning right now. However, if we let ourselves crumble at this tragedy, then we only show the world, and these terrorists, how weak we are. I'm not one for patriotism or anything like that, but we really do need to rally the troops here: do what we can to help, stick together, "rebuild" our damaged psyche, and keep the faith.