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Hime · 04-30-2007, 11:41 AM

I always thought that slogan meant "looking at an online dating site doesn't make you a dork or a loser," not "it's ok to check out profiles even if you're married." I hope I'm right, because that would be skeevy!

I actually met my fiance online, but neither of us was looking on dating sites or anything -- we just made friends on a forum sort of like this one and decided to meet in person. Other people I know have had good luck with dating sites, though -- not necessarily because they aren't good with the opposite sex, but because depending on your lifestyle (if you don't go to parties and bars a lot, and aren't in school) it can be hard and time-consuming to meet people.

On the actual topic: Depends on how you define "cheating." The standard definition, sleeping with someone else against your partner's wishes and without their knowledge, is a pretty good way to screw up a relationship and leaves way too much of a mess to be worth it. Anything short of sex is up to the individual couple, though -- I know people who think it's ok for their husband to get a lap dance, or feel someone's boobs, or make out, etc. And of course I know plenty of couples where one partner is bi and is "allowed" to have fun with people of their own sex as long as they are honest about it and use protection. If that works for them, awesome. In my relationship, the general assumption is that sexual contact with other people is not ok. I hug my guy friends, dance with guys in clubs, etc, and he sometimes gets a kiss on the cheek from a girl friend, but anything sexual/romantic in nature (kissing on the lips, fondling, grinding...) is out of the comfort zone. I would be ok with him going to a strip club with friends, but not with him getting a personal dance.

There's also definitely emotional cheating -- letting someone in in ways that you don't let in your partner. I think that sometimes that can be just as bad for a relationship, or at least, that the temptation to do that can be as much of an indicator that something is wrong than the temptation to schtup someone else can be.

I have friends who have cheated, or who have been the "other woman." I don't think it automatically makes someone a Bad Person, but I tend to think that it is always a bad idea.

04-30-2007, 11:41 AM	#10
Hime Extraordinary Machine Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Outside of Washington, DC Posts: 307	I always thought that slogan meant "looking at an online dating site doesn't make you a dork or a loser," not "it's ok to check out profiles even if you're married." I hope I'm right, because that would be skeevy! I actually met my fiance online, but neither of us was looking on dating sites or anything -- we just made friends on a forum sort of like this one and decided to meet in person. Other people I know have had good luck with dating sites, though -- not necessarily because they aren't good with the opposite sex, but because depending on your lifestyle (if you don't go to parties and bars a lot, and aren't in school) it can be hard and time-consuming to meet people. On the actual topic: Depends on how you define "cheating." The standard definition, sleeping with someone else against your partner's wishes and without their knowledge, is a pretty good way to screw up a relationship and leaves way too much of a mess to be worth it. Anything short of sex is up to the individual couple, though -- I know people who think it's ok for their husband to get a lap dance, or feel someone's boobs, or make out, etc. And of course I know plenty of couples where one partner is bi and is "allowed" to have fun with people of their own sex as long as they are honest about it and use protection. If that works for them, awesome. In my relationship, the general assumption is that sexual contact with other people is not ok. I hug my guy friends, dance with guys in clubs, etc, and he sometimes gets a kiss on the cheek from a girl friend, but anything sexual/romantic in nature (kissing on the lips, fondling, grinding...) is out of the comfort zone. I would be ok with him going to a strip club with friends, but not with him getting a personal dance. There's also definitely emotional cheating -- letting someone in in ways that you don't let in your partner. I think that sometimes that can be just as bad for a relationship, or at least, that the temptation to do that can be as much of an indicator that something is wrong than the temptation to schtup someone else can be. I have friends who have cheated, or who have been the "other woman." I don't think it automatically makes someone a Bad Person, but I tend to think that it is always a bad idea.