At risk of jacking your thread... did I ever lose the mojo? Let's flashback to a year ago . . .
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Originally Posted by SteveDallas
I learned it's time to hang up my gig bag. I no longer have the edge I need to play.
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Originally Posted by SteveDallas
It wasn't one off day, it was the culmination of a series of declining efforts, climaxing in the sloppiest performance I've given in about 15 years. When I keep practicing and it doesn't sound better, it's time to quit.
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Originally Posted by SteveDallas
But unless something drastic happens I'm not likely to change my mind. It's completely irrational to expect that I play at the same level as in the late 1980s (when I was a full-time music student) but I've now fallen so short of that peak that I can't deal with it.
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Originally Posted by SteveDallas
It might partially be motivation. It's likely a combination of a lot of things. It's like this: 3 years ago the orchestra I play in did a piece where I had a brutally difficult solo. I practiced it to death and then I played the hell out of it. This semester I had an equally difficult solo and I practiced it to death and I never did get it right. If it was an isolated incident I could (maybe) shrug it off but it's just another example of how I'm past my peak. I'd rather go out when I can still play.
Also, you're all very nice and encouraging, which I appreciate, don't get me wrong. But none of you have actually ever heard me play. For all you know I suck ass and I'd be doing the world a great favor if I set my horns on fire.
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I'm still pretty unhappy with my playing, and considering it's a 45 minute drive each way to my orchestra rehearsal, I have a lot of incentive to quit. I haven't for mostly political reasons, and because the conductor programmed two of my favorite pieces of all time, including one that I literally thought I would never have a chance to play in my lifetime.
Anyway. In 20/20 hindsight, I believe this is the depression speaking. (Not motivated? Check. Blaming myself for things beyond my control? Check. Inability to enjoy things I used to like doing? Check.)
EDIT: I'm just explaining (maybe) me... not saying that's what's going on with you, Sun_Sparkz.