I can relate. I came to teaching reluctantly. I was doing the self-employed solo art thing. My business was a living, but hard, and getting to feel like sweatshop production. Generations of teachers in my family,it was what I was expected to do, so I think I avoided it for those reasons.
I can do old school stuff like weave. Run looms, spin, dye, the works. So I started to get these requests to teach. I did it for $, but I found it was fun, and I felt comfortable. I would pick up teaching gigs at schools, museum, festivals, shops. Finally that led to school for teaching licensure, art K-12 and a teaching job, at a school I later realized was amazingly supportive and cool.
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What I need to discover about myself is, do I have a real desire to teach or is another creative outlet good enough?
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For me teaching is socially, hothouse creative, very different than the lone pursuit, and can charge up batteries in an unexpected way. But like anything it can also drain ya dry. I found I go in cycles, but the creativity is all connected and cross-pollinates freely.
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One thing I don't like to feel is that I'm coercing someone. I need to prove that my enthusiasm can surmount reluctance.
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There's the rub. At least for me. Later I got into a particularly bad school situation, and had to face that I was no match for the chaos. Way beyond reluctance, it was physical violence. My ideals said to take the job, my intestines wouldnt let me stay. I did learn where my strengths were and weren't. You sound far more aware of your potential situation that I was.
Surmounting the reluctance, thats where the creativity gets addictive, when you find a way to engage. One thing I take great satisfaction in is getting to know and really like students- those relationships.Thats why I dig it and that is what I would miss terribly.
My job now is the best balance Ive ever had between working with students (all ages), getting energized with new material, supporting for my own learning, and down time. I'm having urges to do more solo stuff, and It feels like it will work.
Subbing is a good idea, get the inside view and a feel for the demands. I would imagine there could be all sorts of partial contract possibilities... maybe?- community based learning, enable you to find a balance, rather than the FT deal? Interesting. All the best, man.
