[Iggy]

So many here say they have been the cheater in the past, and yet saying cheating is wrong. It makes me wonder, if you know it is wrong, then why on earth did you cheat in the first place?

I have never been the cheater, but I have been cheated on. I was the other woman, but that situation was very complicated. I was asked to participate in a threesome with a married couple, and I agreed. The wife was ok with it if we were all together and so we fooled around a little other than the actual threesome. However, afterwards the husband and I had some experiences on our own. I know this was wrong as she was not ok with that aspect. I did try to abstain from doing what I knew shouldn’t be done, but in the end I made a mistake. At the time I told myself it wasn’t a big deal because she knew we had had sex before.

I should add that I thought the marriage was stable when I agreed participating in the fantasy. I was not attached at the time and I just thought they wanted to explore a little. I found out later that this was not the case and they divorced not long after our experience. I would never have agreed if I thought for a moment that I could be a catalyst for their divorce, but I was young and naive.

Actually, the husband (now ex- obviously) is my SO. It has been over 4 years since this event and we have been together through thick and thin since then. He and his ex-wife married not long after high school and didn’t really know what they wanted. He is almost 6 years older than me so he had already been married for a couple years when I met him. He says that he now knows they married for the wrong reasons and the relationship was doomed anyway. I still feel I made a mistake.

Some of you might say that I should be worried that he will cheat on me. But we have talked extensively, and there is no one I trust more. That is why I feel we can be together for the rest of our lives. We have a polyamorous relationship so if he finds someone he wants to be with it is ok with me. It is understood that I will know what goes on, but since I know he has no reason to cheat since I am ok with him being with other women then I feel no reason to not trust him. That and we have a much more honest relationship than him and his ex-wife.
But I am allowed other relationships, so it isn’t one sided.

I do know that I have been hurt deeply in the past because I have been cheated on. I would never do that to my mate especially because of our relationship. Why lie when I can tell the truth and share in the joy with my SO?

Just my 2 cents.