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rk, I had wondered why you wanted to lose this thread a while back -I am sorry that you've been cross-questioned somewhere at the cellar so much that you don't feel trusted here. I always look out for your posts and read them with sympathy, wishing I could help more.
I'm with Aliantha on keeping your wife informed - I appreciate you trying to shield her, too, but I'm sure, from what you've said, she'd rather know and be able to help you.
Wishing you courage, patience and the continued love and support of your family.
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Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of 
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