[Stormieweather]

Excellent book footfootfoot. I often recommend it to posters at the abuse board I moderate.

One thing everyone really needs to do is to listen to their gut. Don't minimize the feelings you have about a situation. Honor them and make decisions accordingly because that is your intuition and instincts talking to you. Our emotional baggage and family of origin teachings often cause us to ignore or discount the red flags that our gut is trying to warn us about. Most abusers/dysfunctional individuals ignore our boundaries which indicates a lack of respect for us.

If the guy makes you uncomfortable then he is wrong for you. Period.

Red flags I see:

Calling to say goodnight - too fast, rushing into intimacy.
Comment about taking care of you - you're an invalid? incapable of taking care of yourself? Patronizing remark.
Forced holding hands - lack of respect for your wishes, telling you what you'll get used to (controlling)
Staring - impolite, caused uncomfortable feeling, intimidation
Another hand holding incident - ignored prior statement, intent on his own desires, lack of respect for yours
Hug after disengage - refusal to honor wishes, once again intent on getting his own needs met, disregard for your signals
Yet another hug with wandering hands - there is simply no excuse...he's crossing boundaries right and left, showing absolutely no regard for you as a person, ignoring good taste, not to mention basically assaulting you by not honoring your space.

Don't doubt your instincts or invalidate your feelings by wondering if you're a cold, heartless bitch. He's got issues that are showing up on the first date, don't stick around to find out how bad they will get if he starts feeling 'involved' with you.

Stormie