[KinkyVixen]

I kinda read through this thread, reading bits here and there, and only because I'm kind of dealing with the same thing. The smoking pot issue at least, which has forced me to deal with a lot of other things that all kind of hit at once. I smoked all day long (whenever I wasn't at work) for a couple of years, and I'm just now starting to come out from under that cloud. What I have found, (and believe me, I feel the same way you do about the smoking aspect) that as much as I was smoking was leading me to feel depressed, and as much as I felt in control of myself I was in all honesty out of control (i.e. doing things outside of my character because I felt like I didn't care anymore). I don't blame anything I've done on the fact that I smoked, I blamed the fact that I smoked on my life. But I was the one making those life decisions so it just became a viscious cycle. Nothing that I'm saying will matter to you I'm sure...all I'm really trying to say is that I know where you're coming from, and how you feel, for the most part...and since I am going to counseling and NA meetings I could possibly have some helpful advice or insight if you'd like it. Let me know.