[Sundae]

What?
I am friends with Nice Guys. They don't act like that towards me - we have give and take relationships.

Man - I endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are...
Me - Really? How boring, when I witter on about my nemesis in the office my friends tell me to shut it

Man - I always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain myself to tentative hugs
Me - Are you saying that being there for a friend entitles you to a shag?

Man- I hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores
Me - And? Does she ask you to? If not stop doing it. Oh and I don't necessarily need to hear a breakdown of the Match for 90 minutes after it finishes, but if I'm out with a friend I'll go along with it. If she doesn't, drop her.

Man- I obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy my female friends are at the appropriate moment, because I know most girls need that litany of support
Me - If you don't like doing it, stop it. If you do stop using words like Obligingly and Litany. Some of your female friends probably don't realise you're not being sincere.

Man - She left 40 urgent messages on my cell phone, and when I called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner.
Me - You plum. That's not a friend that a needy disaster
Man - Even though I thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, I assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it.
Me - Blimey, you're not a very good friend are you. Hope she doesn't end up with a black eye at some point.

Man - She interrupted the best killing spree I’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world.
Me - If it was that big a deal for you, you should have told her you'd call her back
Man - And even though I thought it was immature and I had nothing against the guy, I paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor.
Me - Hang on, Nice Guy? Nice Guy? You're either spineless or spiteful if you do this just on her say-so.

Man - She didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of us, she dragged me to a party where I knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with me, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!”
Me - Why did you stick with her? Blimey - last time I dragged a friend to a party he got drunk & copped off & I got stuck paying for the whole fare home by myself! I forgave him though - he's a friend.

Man - the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches
Me - I beginning to think I don't want to be friends with you

Man - the world needs my patience in the department store
Me - and mine at the pool table - do I whine about it?
Man - my holding open of doors
Me - Again with the doors! I do that for other people too, you'd have to be really rude to let the door slam in someone's face
Man - My party escorting services
Me - Like I'd let a friend go to a party alone either
Man- my propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile
Me - Ah... Now we get to the crux of the matter. This female friend isn't a friend like I am. This "friend" is hot
Man - I tolerate all the crazy, inane, absurd things, I am the faceless, nameless hero, I want accolades, acknowledgement, and gratitude

Yes, you do don't you?

You don't deserve it.
If a male friend treated you like that you would delete their number from your phone. If an ugly female friend treated you like that you'd drop her like a hot coal.

You have set yourself up to be walked all over because you want sex with someone who doesn't want sex with you

And you think this makes you special.
And I bet you are making some sad mousy girl's life a misery whining about your goddess to her as well (only she has to go home and kick the cat)

NICE is as NICE does. Don't stay friends with users and you won't be used.

If any of my male friends were also "friends" with a woman like that I'd twat them over the head and ask them what on earth they were doing?

I'd say, "I know she makes you feel manly by being so needy, but you so don't need a friend like that! What's that? Oh you fancy her. Why? You don't seem to have anything in common..... Oh, she's hot. Right. Well what can I say, mate, you get what you signed up for."