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warch · 11-11-2002, 11:10 AM

I have a real life squirrel attack story:
Mpls, 1989.
I was single, living in an older apt, third floor walk up. My bedroom window sported a small air conditioner in the window next to my bed. Because the side extensions didnt quite fit the larger window, I had added a small board to the long side. One night I heard the scratching. It continued. I could just see a bit looking down through the window from on top of the air conditioner. No critter spotted, but a nest was being built. Whatever, I'm a renter, its cute, maybe baby birds. It worsened. Gnawing, chomping, major wood removal. Sawdust. It was coming through the board. I called the super, he was casual, he'd come see it soon. The nights were filled with chewing- 8 feet from my head. I would bang on the window. Yell and make vicious barking dog noises. From the window top I could see momma- no tail, just a stump- she lunged at my face, sharp, pointy teeth exposed, hitting the glass. I growled back. I applied more layers of board, the holes continued to grow. Running out of barrier materials I stuffed notebooks, tin foil, shoe boxes, an ice tray. No super. I went on the assault. Windex and 409 sprayed through the crumbling barrier. Die Die you Bitch. The squirrel would not be stopped. She stared at me with beady eyes, attacked the glass. Now came the squeaking baby noises. Naked writhing squealing rats.
Finally the laid-back super came. It had been 3 weeks. When he saw the state of my window, I believe he said, "Jesus Christ!" or perhaps it was "Holy shit!". I could see he had a new admiration for my plight. The plan was to remove the a/c and destroy the nest. But where was momma? She was not visible. He began to remove the layers of chewed barrier and became more frightened. He asked if I would please get something to hit mom with if she showed up, pissed. I had a baseball bat cocked and ready. It was going down. Piles of debris, shredded mail, the super's visa bill was recognizable. One bald baby, placed in a shoe box and wisked out to death. No guilt. The window side and sill were chewed away. When the pane was lowered, there was a hole to clear to the outside.

Many months later I was preparing to move to TX with my new spouse. My friend's kid, who was 3 at the time, asked out of the blue, if I was leaving because of the mean squirel, because that was just not right.

11-11-2002, 11:10 AM	#19
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	I have a real life squirrel attack story: Mpls, 1989. I was single, living in an older apt, third floor walk up. My bedroom window sported a small air conditioner in the window next to my bed. Because the side extensions didnt quite fit the larger window, I had added a small board to the long side. One night I heard the scratching. It continued. I could just see a bit looking down through the window from on top of the air conditioner. No critter spotted, but a nest was being built. Whatever, I'm a renter, its cute, maybe baby birds. It worsened. Gnawing, chomping, major wood removal. Sawdust. It was coming through the board. I called the super, he was casual, he'd come see it soon. The nights were filled with chewing- 8 feet from my head. I would bang on the window. Yell and make vicious barking dog noises. From the window top I could see momma- no tail, just a stump- she lunged at my face, sharp, pointy teeth exposed, hitting the glass. I growled back. I applied more layers of board, the holes continued to grow. Running out of barrier materials I stuffed notebooks, tin foil, shoe boxes, an ice tray. No super. I went on the assault. Windex and 409 sprayed through the crumbling barrier. Die Die you Bitch. The squirrel would not be stopped. She stared at me with beady eyes, attacked the glass. Now came the squeaking baby noises. Naked writhing squealing rats. Finally the laid-back super came. It had been 3 weeks. When he saw the state of my window, I believe he said, "Jesus Christ!" or perhaps it was "Holy shit!". I could see he had a new admiration for my plight. The plan was to remove the a/c and destroy the nest. But where was momma? She was not visible. He began to remove the layers of chewed barrier and became more frightened. He asked if I would please get something to hit mom with if she showed up, pissed. I had a baseball bat cocked and ready. It was going down. Piles of debris, shredded mail, the super's visa bill was recognizable. One bald baby, placed in a shoe box and wisked out to death. No guilt. The window side and sill were chewed away. When the pane was lowered, there was a hole to clear to the outside. Many months later I was preparing to move to TX with my new spouse. My friend's kid, who was 3 at the time, asked out of the blue, if I was leaving because of the mean squirel, because that was just not right.