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Originally Posted by rkzenrage
I'm sorry guys & gals if I've been a dick lately... I've been in a lot of pain for a bit and I'm actually terrified about the future.
Not many in my "real" life know about this beyond my immediate family... I fell last week and did something to my hip. It is getting worse, I think I may have a small fracture, I know I bruised the bone pretty badly and am pretty sure I did something to the joint.
My family is talking around it, but I know that they are thinking about things that I don't want to hear... things that have to do with what little independence I have left. I'm not ready... and I can't think clearly through all this pain. There's so little left of me.
I'm being hollowed out a little at a time.
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Not meaning to pry, but are you practicing Buddhism with a teacher or solo? I found it often helps with these bigger life issues, i.e. terror about the future, to be able to talk to a teacher in dokusan or daisan. I'm sure your sitting practice has brought you face to face with plenty of pain, both physical and emotional, sometimes it can help to have another ear who has been around the block, so to speak.
Maybe this is old ground for you, but I thought I'd share. As others have said, we're rooting for you.