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There's always overdramatic ironic/sarcastic hysteria, which works better than the direct approach.
Ms. Footer: Hi honey I'm back! Where's our little lad?
Mr. Footer: Hon, (tearfully) he's gone! I -- I forgot the water on your list, and he got dehydrated in this heat. They couldn't bring him back! I tried to reach you on the cell, but I lost the paper that had your number on it! (pounds fist angrily) Why WOULD you leave him with me? You know I can't handle the most basic parenting task! You must be a terrible mother!
Ms. Footer: What a fucking loser. I want a divorce.
Mr. Footer: Of course! Because I'm such an idiot! Better give me a piece of paper with checkboxes on it for how to do the divorce paperwork!
OK, that didn't exactly go like I thought it would.
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