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Brooke of the Land · 08-25-2006, 02:08 PM

Everyone should be made to work in a restaurant for at least a week, once in their lifetime. I could compile an entire novel on the stupid things people do when they go out to eat, but I'll just share a few of my favorites with you here.

-It's Friday night, around 7:30. The parking lot is overflowing with cars, people are standing around, waiting in any available square foot of free space, and all the waiters appear as though they're going to rip off the head of the next person who asks for extra dressing. You walk in with a cute little smile on your face and ask me, "Are you on a wait?" Alright, fine. So you have zero common sense, I can get over that. "How long is the wait?" Okay, so your brain cell count is somewhere down around 5... "Oh, it's going to be 45 minutes or more? I don't think we can wait that long, we have to go blow bubbles up our asses." And all the while you're standing there debating which is more important - eating or the bubbles - a line is gathering behind you of people who actually want to enjoy an enchilada, and aren't idiots.

-Please please please do not EVER go into another restaurant and ask to sit at a different table than the one the host leads you to. Not only do you screw up the seating rotation that we have so diligently created, but you've pissed off the host, the server who was to serve you in the first place (by taking away potential tips) and the server who now has to put up with your ugly face (he's probably been double-seated now, meaning that he has to go into overdrive to take care of your million requests, plus those of his other 623 tables). Oh, and you don't just want any other table, you want a booth? FINE. I only work at this job for the scenery anyway. Seating you is definitely not high on my priority list.

-We have a patio area where I work, and when the weather is nice, it's usually full. However, sometimes the weather is not nice, therefore we don't seat out there, therefore there are no waiters to take tables out there. When it's overcast, theatening to pour, and about 99.99% humidity in 100 degree weather, you're not going to get good service on the patio. First, I have to find a waiter willing to take on the extra duty of picking up your table outside. When I finally give up my liver just to get that accomplished, you have changed your mind, and have decided to move inside. Only as long as I can slap that questioning little smile off your face first. Oh, what's this, we're on a wait? Yes, you'll have to go on the end, because all these other people are smart enough to see that it's going to rain. Just don't ask for a booth, or I'll quit.

08-25-2006, 02:08 PM	#7
Brooke of the Land obsequious purple and clairvoiant Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: North Texas Posts: 45	Everyone should be made to work in a restaurant for at least a week, once in their lifetime. I could compile an entire novel on the stupid things people do when they go out to eat, but I'll just share a few of my favorites with you here. -It's Friday night, around 7:30. The parking lot is overflowing with cars, people are standing around, waiting in any available square foot of free space, and all the waiters appear as though they're going to rip off the head of the next person who asks for extra dressing. You walk in with a cute little smile on your face and ask me, "Are you on a wait?" Alright, fine. So you have zero common sense, I can get over that. "How long is the wait?" Okay, so your brain cell count is somewhere down around 5... "Oh, it's going to be 45 minutes or more? I don't think we can wait that long, we have to go blow bubbles up our asses." And all the while you're standing there debating which is more important - eating or the bubbles - a line is gathering behind you of people who actually want to enjoy an enchilada, and aren't idiots. -Please please please do not EVER go into another restaurant and ask to sit at a different table than the one the host leads you to. Not only do you screw up the seating rotation that we have so diligently created, but you've pissed off the host, the server who was to serve you in the first place (by taking away potential tips) and the server who now has to put up with your ugly face (he's probably been double-seated now, meaning that he has to go into overdrive to take care of your million requests, plus those of his other 623 tables). Oh, and you don't just want any other table, you want a booth? FINE. I only work at this job for the scenery anyway. Seating you is definitely not high on my priority list. -We have a patio area where I work, and when the weather is nice, it's usually full. However, sometimes the weather is not nice, therefore we don't seat out there, therefore there are no waiters to take tables out there. When it's overcast, theatening to pour, and about 99.99% humidity in 100 degree weather, you're not going to get good service on the patio. First, I have to find a waiter willing to take on the extra duty of picking up your table outside. When I finally give up my liver just to get that accomplished, you have changed your mind, and have decided to move inside. Only as long as I can slap that questioning little smile off your face first. Oh, what's this, we're on a wait? Yes, you'll have to go on the end, because all these other people are smart enough to see that it's going to rain. Just don't ask for a booth, or I'll quit. __________________ "...knowing only that we're vast and combustible, shifting, mostly hidden, probably messed up, but alive and mysterious while we last."