[DanaC]

Bullying at school....that ol'chestnut.

I was bullied pretty relentlessly through much of my schooldays. I remember two really bad`years when I was ostracised by my entire year. Lunchtimes were the worst. A whole hour sitting in the library or, if I was told to 'go outside and get some fresh air' a whole hour spent sidling around the playground trying not to be noticed. I got beaten up sooo often. My mum practically lived in my head of year's office. It only really stopped in my second to last year when I kicked the living shit out of one of the bullies in the middle of an art class.

The funny thing was, the fight didn't start 'cause she was bullying me. I was used to it. i had seriously bad eczema and spent most of my childhood wrapped up in bandages and eating strange diets. No, this time, she started on my best friend. She had been telling her that she'd kick her head in after school and then came up behind her in the middle of the art class and hit on the back of her head. I was sitting on the stool next to my friend and something snapped.

I jumped off my stool, letting it clatter to the floor behind me and launched myself at the bully ( Vicky, i wont say her surname though you can be damn sure I stilll remember it). As I was railing on her and she was screaming, our teacher ran over and tried to pull me off. Without really knowing what i was doing, I hit backwards at the teacher, lamped her right in the face and continued my assault on Vicky.

When we were both dragged to the headmaster, I swear I saw a smile trying not to show itself. He'd seen me bullied mercilessly for three and a half years, primarily at this girl's instigation. I got two days detention. For the last year and a half of school the 'cool' girls left me the hell alone.

I heard recently that Vicky was in the middle of a very nasty divorce. I was surprised to find that this information didn't please me. The part of me that's forever child hates her with a passion i can barely contain. But the grownup in me knows she was just another fucked up 15yr old.

The other funny thing is, I saw one of her 'gang' about four years ago. We were both around thirty, but she looked so......dowdy, middleaged and ordinary. Her face had the crumpled look of the profoundly disappointed. I remember being so jealous of her confidence. Her confidence in her looks and her sexual power. She always had boys hanging around her. The same boys that would look disgusted if i even shared a classroom with them.

Now, I don't mean to sound vain or arrogant, but i probably will :P I am not dowdy or ordinary looking. Despite the fact that I still look in the mirror sometimes and see the ugly ducking, I am also quite aware that this duckling turned into a swan. I'm tall and slim, with a dancers build. I have high cheekbones and classical features and am blessed through my genes with young skin. It's taken me a long time to be able to see this of myself, though. Just as an anorexic cannot help but see fat where there is none, I have to work not to see the eczema that isn't there any more, the swollen face and the emollient greased hair. All the stuff that made boys not want to touch me til I was at college.

Now, that did feel good. It was something of a guilty pleasure to realise what we'd both grown up into.