[lillypilly7]

Thank you everyone who replied! I got such a pleasant surprise today when I managed to get back here. Your replies made me feel sooo much better and your words have helped me so much. Thank you.

I fell in love with my fiance almost at first sight - he treated me differently then, when I knew little about him but thought I knew him. It's so hard to take your heart back once you've given it away.

Many of you had more questions and so here's a bit of an answer. Sorry it’s so long again. I promise to write briefly next time. Sorry I don't know how to insert quotes.

DucksNuts – she is only friendly with him, the others get ignored. If I have dared to say anything, he reacts in anger and stays that way for at least 3 –4 days.

Griff and Sundae Girl – from what I can determine, she joined the company about 3 years ago, but I can’t be sure because, until I saw them together, he never mentioned her!. We were definitely together before he met her - been together 5 yrs.

I am definitely NOT an overly jealous type. My fiance has several other female friends, I have met them socially (one was interested in him before I came along) and I have no issue with them. I had other male friends when we met but he got rid of them all, and even went to leave without me when a stranger spoke to me at a night club. I put my fiance’s insecurity before my friends and was ok with my decision because he meant the world to me and I couldn’t cope with him being angry at me and ending our relationship. I have considered reviving these friendships but don’t want to play ‘tit for tat'. It is the deceit, covering up, defensiveness and ectoplasmic anger towards me that is devastating.

Sundae Girl – re: “Could it be you have worked yourself up to fever pitch and he is hiding things from you because you now have a hair trigger as far as she is concerned?” This is what I was wondering…so can’t answer rationally.
re: “I really don't think you can tell him not to invite her to this dinner, but would you be able to swing it so that she wasn't seated close to him? I know 10 isn't a large table but surely you can sideline her to an extent?” Thanks for trying for me but history has shown that if miraculously she wasn’t seated next to him at a function (eg we got there late and had to sit down the other end), one or other of them gets up and wanders up or down, and they sit together while ‘mingling’.

Glatt - your comment particularly struck home... "He doesn't seem to care that it bothers you." and the conclusion to that.. "He doesn't respect you..."

Bluecuracao – you summed up my thoughts and fears so well, especially, "If you are the one he loves and plans on marrying, then he should be concerned about *your* happiness--...".

If 'concerned' = angry and defensive then he gets points. Generally, if he hurts my feelings and I try to gently let him know, he hits the roof, reacts with anger, I end up in tears and have to drag myself back up alone and then try to make HIM feel better!

XoxoxoBruce – “Maybe he gets pissy when you question him because it's the millionth time you've asked the same questions. Maybe he's concealing things because you get pissy over nothing of consequence. Maybe he's trying to work around your clingyness because he actually loves you. Maybe it's all in your imagination.” Yes, this is exactly what I was wondering.

Sun Sparkz – re: “but he really loved me, and it WAS only a friendship in the end and absolutely nothing more i could bet my life on it now.. but back then i was ready to walk out the door. It was more my own insecurities than anything else.” This is what I’m trying to work out in my situation and I don’t want my insecurities to mess up MY relationship. Did you get over it? Are you now happy and secure?

I guess my question has always been "Am I being paranoid". Your responses have helped me re-consider this issue and, even with just the bare bones of my story, there seems to be some consensus, unfortunately, that my gut feelings are probably correct. I very much believe in trying to be non-judgemental if a relationship ends and “Not being a good fit” will make it easier for me to accept if I decide to finally end it.

I will not take any quick action just yet. I need to absorb all this information! Now that I feel more settled about myself (from reading your replies) I feel much better supported and equipped to think straight, not have a ‘hair trigger’ and even cope with my day!

He actually shouted at me a year ago, "I'm so sick of having to look over my shoulder all the time!!!", Maybe he won’t have to do that very soon...as well as, “ everything would have been all right if I hadn’t looked at his phone”...maybe I won’t have to do that either.

Regarding the dinner, if our relationship lasts until then, (I will play the 'wait and see' game for now...typical of me), I might try and take your advice SUN SPARKZ and…

“Go to this party.. INSIST that he invite her. go to special effort that whole day to look like HOT SHIT. then go.. and show her the fuck up. YOU his hot sexy girlfriend and your the one he sleeps up to everynight and your the one he is MARRYING so that is what matters - and then befriend her. with crocodile smiles of course.”

Geez, if I could pull that one off, I’d have achieved something lol. Watch this space.

Thanks again everyone. I feel empowered and that people really care. I look forward to reading and learning from all your other postings!

Much love,
Lillypilly.