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Undertoad
If we hadn't pissed them off by defending their land, I'm sure they would have found something else to hate about us, just as they have with just about everyone, all around the world.
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You seem to be finally coming around to understanding that many nations that don't subscribe to democracy and capitalism are mired in an endemic cultural and social problem that'll react very aggressively to interference.
You used the shame/guilt culture approach, which is all fine, but more importantly, many countries where religion plays an important role in public life are so strictly dogmatic in their cultural beliefs that any enemy is automatically demonized. Since the US has been at the forefront of - in their eyes - sometimes-questionable foreign initiatives (and this isn't the place to debate their worth), the US will be the enemy for a long time to come.
Everybody allied with the US and aiding them, i.e. pretty much everybody in the West who isn't categorically opposed to American support of Israel, the US invasion of Afghanistan, and US aggresion in Iraq - as well as US interests in the middle east - becomes associated with the enemy, and a target.
The only way to solve this is either by stepping back and not getting involved politically and financially in the Mid-East or Asia, or throwing the full force of the US military, hopefully backed by the UN, against every single militant dictatorship out there, taking them down one by one, and enforcing democracy on them.
Anything short of that will leave a worrying number of militant activists, who will - possibly with state-support - continue to create situations of terror and death. Even enforcing democracy will still leave considerable numbers of terrorists, but it's likely that extended periods of self-determination will reduce that factor. Supporting a dictatorship friendly to the US will lead to terrorism and prolonged anti-Americanism. (see also S-Arabia, Iran)
It's all or nothing. And since 'all' is essentially politically impossible in the US (and the UN, for that matter), it willl be a little war here, a little war there, a US general appointed as governor of Iraq, more agitation here, and increased militant muslim aggression over all of it. One day, when a terrorist group actually does get its hands on a nuclear device, we will reap the consequences of this approach.
Once more - the 9/11 terrorists were mostly Saudi-Arabian. Even the US stauchest allies (and I'd like to use 'our staunchest allies' at this point) have a large anti-American group of people who are breeding terrorists even as we speak. When acting, it must either be a complete victory, or a complete retreat.
X.