How to repel Mormons:
We had a particularly agressive pair who were trying to convert people in my neighborhood. They even tried to talk their religion to me while I was walking for exercise. I told them I didn't believe in any of it and later complained to one of my neighbors about their attitude. When he said had encountered them as well, I suggested that he tell them he was gay. A few days later, he responded to a knock on his door, and there stood the pair, dripping wet from walking in the rain. He thought, "no way am I letting them in my house to drip all over the carpet", put on his most queenly expression, and told him he was gay while turning to one of them and saying, "You're cute!" Worked like a charm. They ran back to their car, drove out of the neighborhood and have never been back.
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