[DanaC]

I hear you bebop and in a way i kind of agree. But...and it's a big but...I know this sounds crazy, but that approach would be easier, if his health was actually worse than it is.
The thing with CPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulminary disease) is that you get ups and downs. Right now, although he has to use the oxygen a couple of times a day and gets out of breath very quickly with any exertion; for much of the time, he is able to get about and lead an independant life. he bobs about in his van; he visits his friends; goes to the pub; drives over the Pennines to see us in halifax....

When he recently had a bad time with pneumonia and was in hospital for a couple of weeks, my brother and I talked to him. We tried to get him to consider a flat (which would alllow im to keep the house as it is and 'deal' with it at his leisure whilst living in comfort). he started to come around and seemed to be considering the idea. Then he began to recover. As he started to feel better, he reverted back to his usual stubborness. When he was well enough to leave hospital he was eager to get back home to his house, where his 'comfort' rubbish is. It's a crutch. As far as I understand this compulsion to collect junk (from other cases I have heard of), the sufferer essentially creates a safety zone of this stuff.

If he was more ill, bizarrely, we could probably persuade him to accept help. Unfortunately (fortunately) he usually recovers to a level that he can function and do his shopping and socialise and generally live some sort of life, too quickly in a way. If he was ill for longer we could break down the resistance.

What we can't really do at this stage is impose help. My brother and I have talked about this ( and mum) and basically decided that the next time he gets ill ( and he will) we will try again.

What I can't do is bring in outside agencies whilst he is still independant. I don't have th right to choose how he lives. Though...I've been tempted on numerous occasions. The house isn't what's made him ill, it's preventing him from recovery at times and it's an exacerbating factor for sure, but what's making him ill is the disease he has. Tricky.

Thanks though, for the advice and empathy *smiles* it helps to hear someone else say it.

umm..another aggravating factor is the whole 'secret life' thing... As I mentioned in my post, I'm fairly convinced dad's actually gay. It's a long story. But... his freind...I don't know if he may be his friend y'know?. He's always kept a large part of his life aside from us. Dad's a bit of a closed book in many ways. He's intensely private. I don't in truth know much about his social circle. I only know that he has a social circle.

*Sighs* See...this is what being sent to a 'character building' boarding school for 9 months a year at the age of four; an authoritarian (damn near victorian) father,; witnessing a massacre in India age 10 and being ripped from his home to start again in the Motherland can do to a chap.