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I know this may not be mature, or in some states legal, but I really think you should go to the doctors office and just urinate on the carpet.
Neither ostentatious nor sneaky. Just matter of fact, "I'm urinating on your carpet now."
I don't know why, it just came to me. It just seemed right.
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs
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