|
Brianna, look at all the support you have gotten here and in your other thread about the "mad" professor. People CAN be on your side, you know. I think you have a bad case of comparing your insides with other people's outsides. And if you're using 20 year old college kids as a measuring stick - well...
I used to have a friend who would say, "I imagine many people look at me and consider my life a resounding failure. But I know what I have been up against. I know the obstacles that I've had to overcome. I'd like to see the folks who consider me a "failure" do half as well as I have with the cards life has dealt me. In MY eyes, I'm a resounding success!"
He was right, too. I knew a little of his story, and he was right.
Maybe there are people "out there" who have never had to stare into the "abyss." Its certainly possible. I wouldn't know. I do know that I have had to face and am still facing my own bleak "3:00am of the human soul."
My life has not gone anything like the way I once thought it would. I've had many nights when I fell asleep praying that I would die, and woke up in the morning feeling horribly disappointed.
I often wonder why the hell I bother to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I should have been dead three times over by now, but still I'm alive. I can look at this luck of mine as sheer chance or I can look at it as being a sign that I'm here for some purpose.
I can't prove either theory, so I choose to think that I have survived this long for a reason. You have, too. You have been one of those who gets to go out on the further edge of human experience and report back to others what it was like out there and how to survive the trip.
To compare yourself with a callow 20 year old kid is a travesty and you know it. You are a pathfinder and a strong woman. Never think otherwise.
|