And another thing.
Take yourself out of the equation as to why this is happening. This is not your fault. Repeat: this is not your fault. She is making the decision to jump off the plane at 50,000 feet and it is she who, therefore, is responsible for the mess you now find yourself in. It is a popular defense to find some way to blame it on the other party just to transfer the guilt to them - don't fall for it. You did your share. You did your part. Her feelings changed.
Self-doubt will cripple you with guilt if you let it - don't. The only thing that's different now is how she feels. The only person responsible for the change is her. You have basically just been sucker-punched in broad daylight by a family member and should respond accordingly.
There will be a time for self-examination but not now.
Where did all this come from? My best buddy's wife was cheating on him for years. He was never unfaithful to her. Funny, up until the time he discovered the infidelity, he was "the best husband." But, from the time he found her out until the divorce was final, he was everything wrong in the book and it was his inadaquacies that "caused" her to stray. Rather than address her marital dissatisfaction while they were married, she She feigned happiness to cover her tracks. Meanwhile, she's seeing her very wealthy and very married boss.
She tried to transfer responsibility to him by bringing up every reason in the book - he doesn't make enough money, he isn't this, he isn't that, blah, blah, blah. He never understood why she never told him any of this during the 20 years they were married and raised two kids.
Losing his marriage and family was devastating enough. But the self-doubt she planted and watered almost daily nearly finished him off completely. Good thing he had lots of friends to set things back to right in his head.
People who cheat are traitors.
People who cheat while pretending to be happy in the relationship are a big step below traitors.
People who stab you in the back while smiling at you who then make you think it was all your fault are just slightly better people than child abusers.
Some marriages aren't meant to be and slowly dissolve. But its the ones that end "out-of-the-middle-of-nowhere" that have the biggest potential to be emotional death knells to the blindsided partner. If she was "fine until yesterday" then, as far as I'm concerned, you are off the hook responsibility-wise and should bear no guilt for what happened.
But, the attack is coming so get ready for it.
And when it does, we'll be right here to set things right.
She's got her Cosmo-readin', man-hatin', gum chewin, New Jersey accent spewin', dingbat friends of hers backin' her up but you [cracks knuckles] have the entire Cellar backin you up. Man, that just ain't fair.
