[Cyclefrance]

For SD. Don't know if this makes sense, but trouble I find with the downers is that there doesn't seem a way out. The old negative spiral bites - e.g./i.e. hate job but need job, so can't give up job but feeling negative about it makes me short-tempered generally which puts me at odds with others - maybe even (usually even) family. Issues I should be handling at work aren't so I'm a PITA at home. And that just adds to the problem.... Then more things add to the grief, and you feel you have absolutely no means to control or influence events.

Truth is that you can get control - and you have to in order to reverse the spiral direction. The way you do that is to attack the real issue (on much the same lines as Lumberjim said). This could be the job. For example, perhaps the work presents no challenge/satisfaction - only problems. If you cannot improve the situation (that is remove the problems either solely by having the authority to do so, or by being able to influence others to do so) then you will need to change the situation (that is find a place where these problems don't exist) so that you have something to strive for - this will get you on an upward path. What this means can be different for different people - it may mean changing your job (maybe not), it may mean changing your life - but be aware that whatever it is will have its own set of positives and negatives and you need to have your eyes wide-open to what these are before making any decision. So think before acting, but do act and don't just think about it - and take personal responsibility for the decision you make (your decision may be to stick with what you have), so you have no reason to gripe if you don't like the end result.

Personally I have always tried to work out problems without personally introducing major lifestyle threatening change, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't (I have 5 redundancies behind me and the fallout these can cause to back that up - you then get the lifestyle change whether you wanted it or not!), but I still prefer and will always go the route of facing out the problems - I find this more rewarding from a self-esteem and sanity perspective (but that is just what suits me - doesn't mean it is best for you). Whatever, always remember to involve people that matter along the way during the course of making and also once you have made your decision. If other people understand what you are going through and what you are doing (having to do) to solve the situation they will (if they are decent people) be more tolerant of your actions and even supportive of your efforts. If you leave them out so that they don't know what the hell is going on, then you shouldn't be surprised at the reactions you get in return.

Hope the above doesn't sound all to hypothetical - without knowing specifics it's only possible to outline - can't propose anything more detailed knowing as little about your situation as I do.