The Cellar - View Single Post

Cyclefrance · 11-14-2005, 10:27 AM

Reader notice:

You will require ‘split brain image’ technology to fully enjoy the next instalment of this amazing story. The latest version of this imagery can be downloaded from:

'www.brain-image-implants/it-wont-hurt-at-all/oh-OK-it-will-hurt-a-bit-well-quite-a-lot-to-be-honest.com'

or else you’ll just have to use your imagination (that might be the better option if you want my opinion)

The brain image splits into three distinct scenes – so far without sound. The first scene is the bridge of the Klarnak mother ship where commander Smarjanth (who unfortunately suffers from tourette’s syndrome), is assessing the current situation. In the second scene we see Slarvos at the controls of the Lear jet, and in the third scene we see our merry Cellarites aboard the Aurora.

The first screen brightens and sound volume increases to an acceptable level:

‘First Officer Qvargist, ARSEHOLE!, I don’t like the way this is going. We haven’t had a signal from our PISSHEAD! Earth transmitter for several hours at least now, have we?

‘Er, ….no, sir,’ Qvargist, had been serving under Smarjanth for several months, but he just couldn’t get used to the commander’s problem with speaking – it was all too close to being personal….he farted quietly to himself, and replied: ‘There’s nothing to say it is a malfunction and I haven’t been able to raise any of the advance guard as yet.’

‘So I gather. Well, I’m not waiting much longer WANKER!. Tell the crew we’re going to amber alert now! What the…. SUCK MY PRICK!!’ For once Smarjanth said something that made sense – he stared through the forward window to see a blue box-like object go spinning past, a light flashing away on its top, and what seemed to be five very similar female faces pressed against the small area of glass that was set into what he could only imagine to be some sort of door.

‘It’s no good. All this invasion stuff is starting to get at me, get me my medication will you, BOLLOCK-BRAIN! Qvargist? I think I need an extra dose…! In fact , I think I’ll have a lie down… Red alert in one hour if no change – you can GO SHIT YOURSELF! take care of that can’t you?

‘Er…. Yes,sir…’

The first image and volume fades, and at the same time the second image brightens and sound is available.

‘Here we are. 30,000 feet. That should do nicely.’ Slarvos opened his handbag and took out the portable transportation device. He pressed the ‘on’ switch and the object started to hum quietly.

‘Just need to set the co-ordinates and I’ll soon be back on the mother ship….’

‘Not if I have my way you won’t!’ Slarvos turned sharply in the direction of the voice. ‘YOU!!’ he exclaimed

The man facing him (her?) was dressed in camouflage fatigues and was pointing an automatic at Slarvos.

Urbane Guerilla spoke: ‘Didn’t think you’d lost me did you. I’ve had you in my sights for a long time, ever since that incident in the alley. I was following you as you gave chase. I saw your Hummer go into the lake. I kept low. BusterB was rescued by the ‘copter, and then you re-appeared, as I thought you would. It didn’t take long before your, heh, ‘sisters’ arrived. You were so busy arguing that you didn’t see me slip into the trunk. I’ve been with you ever since. Getting into the Lear was easy after that. Now your times up, asshole! Any last…..’

UG stopped suddenly. Were his eyes playing tricks? He gazed past Slarvos to where he could see, through the cockpit window, the Aurora, some distance away. Did his eyes deceive him – the Aurora had just fired a missile and it was heading directly at them!

Slarvos, noticed UG’s hesitation, and glanced back over his shoulder Oh, Shit! Turning back to UG he saw that his attention was still averted. Slarvos quietly set the coordinates on the transporter…..

If it hadn’t been for the small light on the transporter, Urbane Guerilla wouldn’t have noticed Slarvos’ movements.

‘Good bye.’ Slarvos smiled…

‘No you don’t!’ UG leapt at Slarvos, grasping at him and grabbing his clothing.

‘Oooooh, you naughty boy…!’

And with that they both disappeared (just like that!), which was a good job really as a split second later the missile hit the Lear jet and there was a really nice explosion, with smoke, flames and bits of metal flying off in all directions, just as you’d expect in such a classy production as this.

The second image and sound now fades. The third image….. the third image…. The third image…… now what?

Hang on a minute, I seem to have lost the remote. No, wait, no I haven’t….. I think I’ve found it. Right. Let’s try this button. Oh, no, it’s the remote for the CD player. Marichiko must have nipped in and taken the other one while I wasn’t looking – well it is her story I suppose….

What IS that playing? Oh it’s Moody Blues, War of the Worlds. How appropriate:

"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one," he said.
"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one - but still they come!"

11-14-2005, 10:27 AM	#17
Cyclefrance Pump my ride! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England Posts: 1,890	Reader notice: You will require ‘split brain image’ technology to fully enjoy the next instalment of this amazing story. The latest version of this imagery can be downloaded from: 'www.brain-image-implants/it-wont-hurt-at-all/oh-OK-it-will-hurt-a-bit-well-quite-a-lot-to-be-honest.com' or else you’ll just have to use your imagination (that might be the better option if you want my opinion) The brain image splits into three distinct scenes – so far without sound. The first scene is the bridge of the Klarnak mother ship where commander Smarjanth (who unfortunately suffers from tourette’s syndrome), is assessing the current situation. In the second scene we see Slarvos at the controls of the Lear jet, and in the third scene we see our merry Cellarites aboard the Aurora. The first screen brightens and sound volume increases to an acceptable level: ‘First Officer Qvargist, ARSEHOLE!, I don’t like the way this is going. We haven’t had a signal from our PISSHEAD! Earth transmitter for several hours at least now, have we? ‘Er, ….no, sir,’ Qvargist, had been serving under Smarjanth for several months, but he just couldn’t get used to the commander’s problem with speaking – it was all too close to being personal….he farted quietly to himself, and replied: ‘There’s nothing to say it is a malfunction and I haven’t been able to raise any of the advance guard as yet.’ ‘So I gather. Well, I’m not waiting much longer WANKER!. Tell the crew we’re going to amber alert now! What the…. SUCK MY PRICK!!’ For once Smarjanth said something that made sense – he stared through the forward window to see a blue box-like object go spinning past, a light flashing away on its top, and what seemed to be five very similar female faces pressed against the small area of glass that was set into what he could only imagine to be some sort of door. ‘It’s no good. All this invasion stuff is starting to get at me, get me my medication will you, BOLLOCK-BRAIN! Qvargist? I think I need an extra dose…! In fact , I think I’ll have a lie down… Red alert in one hour if no change – you can GO SHIT YOURSELF! take care of that can’t you? ‘Er…. Yes,sir…’ The first image and volume fades, and at the same time the second image brightens and sound is available. ‘Here we are. 30,000 feet. That should do nicely.’ Slarvos opened his handbag and took out the portable transportation device. He pressed the ‘on’ switch and the object started to hum quietly. ‘Just need to set the co-ordinates and I’ll soon be back on the mother ship….’ ‘Not if I have my way you won’t!’ Slarvos turned sharply in the direction of the voice. ‘YOU!!’ he exclaimed The man facing him (her?) was dressed in camouflage fatigues and was pointing an automatic at Slarvos. Urbane Guerilla spoke: ‘Didn’t think you’d lost me did you. I’ve had you in my sights for a long time, ever since that incident in the alley. I was following you as you gave chase. I saw your Hummer go into the lake. I kept low. BusterB was rescued by the ‘copter, and then you re-appeared, as I thought you would. It didn’t take long before your, heh, ‘sisters’ arrived. You were so busy arguing that you didn’t see me slip into the trunk. I’ve been with you ever since. Getting into the Lear was easy after that. Now your times up, asshole! Any last…..’ UG stopped suddenly. Were his eyes playing tricks? He gazed past Slarvos to where he could see, through the cockpit window, the Aurora, some distance away. Did his eyes deceive him – the Aurora had just fired a missile and it was heading directly at them! Slarvos, noticed UG’s hesitation, and glanced back over his shoulder Oh, Shit! Turning back to UG he saw that his attention was still averted. Slarvos quietly set the coordinates on the transporter….. If it hadn’t been for the small light on the transporter, Urbane Guerilla wouldn’t have noticed Slarvos’ movements. ‘Good bye.’ Slarvos smiled… ‘No you don’t!’ UG leapt at Slarvos, grasping at him and grabbing his clothing. ‘Oooooh, you naughty boy…!’ And with that they both disappeared (just like that!), which was a good job really as a split second later the missile hit the Lear jet and there was a really nice explosion, with smoke, flames and bits of metal flying off in all directions, just as you’d expect in such a classy production as this. The second image and sound now fades. The third image….. the third image…. The third image…… now what? Hang on a minute, I seem to have lost the remote. No, wait, no I haven’t….. I think I’ve found it. Right. Let’s try this button. Oh, no, it’s the remote for the CD player. Marichiko must have nipped in and taken the other one while I wasn’t looking – well it is her story I suppose…. What IS that playing? Oh it’s Moody Blues, War of the Worlds. How appropriate: "The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one," he said. "The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one - but still they come!" __________________ Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears Last edited by Cyclefrance; 11-14-2005 at 10:33 AM.