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Beestie · 09-29-2005, 01:32 PM

Random untested idea: use peer pressure.

Tell him the kids who don't do their homework will wind up working for the kids that do.

Ask him what kind of car he wants to roll up to his ten-year reunion in. How's he going to like it when his hard-working classmates drive up in nicer cars.

What are his "hot" buttons? Usually, at 15, girls. What other things motivate him? You have to find a way to connect the two. Homework = better grades = better college = more $$$ = one less reason for women not to go out with you. Drive him through the fancy neighborhoods and explain that no one who didn't take school seriously lives there.

Find someone he respects and ask them to talk to him. It may just be that he resents the food for algebra program you have going on and he's simply expressing control over his life. Punative measures are not wrong but at 15, positive reinforcement is much more effective. Instead of trying to control him, swerve him into making the decision for himself by providing a scenario he can embrace and claim as his own.

At 15, on the List Of Reasons To Do Something, "because Dad told me to" is at the absolute rock bottom. And the harder you push, the harder he's going to resist. I definitely recommend switching from "bad things that will happen if you don't" to "good things that will happen if you do." And those good things should not be associated with you (e.g., money will fly out of your pocket into his). If you are the rewarder, you are the controller and control is exactly what he's fighting so try not to get in the way.

Pulling back for a minute, if he is not passionate about his homework but displays a passion for something else, I wouldn't worry all that much - he'll get around to connecting the dots. If he's not passionate about anything - if he does not exhibit some self-discipline or some behaviour that demonstrates that he understands the tradeoff of sacrifice today for benefit tomorrow, then I'd say its not about the homework and is a sign of a more fundamental life lesson that he hasn't grasped. If this is the case, I would pull back on the specific issue of homework and teach the greater lesson of sacrifice/discipline today brings rewards forever after. Make it very clear to him the future (unquantified and uncontemplated) cost of the decisions he makes today.

Teenagers need to hear it one thousand times a day that the decisions they make today really do affect their quality of life over the next 60 years. I'll spare you the example of how unbelievably stupid I was when I was 15 and how it took me a very long time to escape the corner I had painted myself in.

Good luck - report back.

09-29-2005, 01:32 PM	#23
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Random untested idea: use peer pressure. Tell him the kids who don't do their homework will wind up working for the kids that do. Ask him what kind of car he wants to roll up to his ten-year reunion in. How's he going to like it when his hard-working classmates drive up in nicer cars. What are his "hot" buttons? Usually, at 15, girls. What other things motivate him? You have to find a way to connect the two. Homework = better grades = better college = more $$$ = one less reason for women not to go out with you. Drive him through the fancy neighborhoods and explain that no one who didn't take school seriously lives there. Find someone he respects and ask them to talk to him. It may just be that he resents the food for algebra program you have going on and he's simply expressing control over his life. Punative measures are not wrong but at 15, positive reinforcement is much more effective. Instead of trying to control him, swerve him into making the decision for himself by providing a scenario he can embrace and claim as his own. At 15, on the List Of Reasons To Do Something, "because Dad told me to" is at the absolute rock bottom. And the harder you push, the harder he's going to resist. I definitely recommend switching from "bad things that will happen if you don't" to "good things that will happen if you do." And those good things should not be associated with you (e.g., money will fly out of your pocket into his). If you are the rewarder, you are the controller and control is exactly what he's fighting so try not to get in the way. Pulling back for a minute, if he is not passionate about his homework but displays a passion for something else, I wouldn't worry all that much - he'll get around to connecting the dots. If he's not passionate about anything - if he does not exhibit some self-discipline or some behaviour that demonstrates that he understands the tradeoff of sacrifice today for benefit tomorrow, then I'd say its not about the homework and is a sign of a more fundamental life lesson that he hasn't grasped. If this is the case, I would pull back on the specific issue of homework and teach the greater lesson of sacrifice/discipline today brings rewards forever after. Make it very clear to him the future (unquantified and uncontemplated) cost of the decisions he makes today. Teenagers need to hear it one thousand times a day that the decisions they make today really do affect their quality of life over the next 60 years. I'll spare you the example of how unbelievably stupid I was when I was 15 and how it took me a very long time to escape the corner I had painted myself in. Good luck - report back. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦ Last edited by Beestie; 09-29-2005 at 01:41 PM.