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BigV · 09-09-2005, 11:03 AM

*ahem*

Sorry to cut into your ladies only discussion (Hello?! Dads?)...

We have two boys with a girl in the middle. I don't think there's a difference...let me rephrase that. The obvious and large differences we have in the amount and kind of effort it takes to parent each of them can not really be traced to a gender based reason. I think it is *much* more a factor of the child's temperment and birth order. I do believe there's a strong gender factor having to do with the different way the parent of the opposite sex relates to the child. In general terms, I think the parent of the opposite sex eventually has an advantage with the child, especially in the late teen years. That is the time of separation for the kid, and the turmoil of becoming more like the same sex parent (as a young adult man or young adult woman) while simultaneously wanting to differentiate themselves from their parents in general is considerable. I think this is most true for sons and dads.

I see struggles I had with our eldest son that my wife did not. My wife has had some of those struggles with our daughter, while I got a pass. But I think this gender related aspect of parenting is small potatoes compared to the other two reasons above.

Also consider for families that have kids that are widely separated in age, that the young one trailing along at the end sees parents that are very different from the same people that were parents of the eldest child. These differences can sometimes be pretty big. The most obvious is the increase in experience in parenting. While every kid comes up as a rookie, sometimes they get veteran parents. Economic factors often favor the younger children too, as the parents become more affluent. Or, if there has been tragedy in the family the parenting dynamic change dramatically. But these are hardly gender issues.

I do think there's a tendency to worry about the girls more, even though I know the chances that bad things are equally likely to happen to girls or boys.

One more thing--as little ones, they're both about the same trouble to take care of but the little girls are much more fun to decorate!

09-09-2005, 11:03 AM	#5
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	ahem Sorry to cut into your ladies only discussion (Hello?! Dads?)... We have two boys with a girl in the middle. I don't think there's a difference...let me rephrase that. The obvious and large differences we have in the amount and kind of effort it takes to parent each of them can not really be traced to a gender based reason. I think it is much more a factor of the child's temperment and birth order. I do believe there's a strong gender factor having to do with the different way the parent of the opposite sex relates to the child. In general terms, I think the parent of the opposite sex eventually has an advantage with the child, especially in the late teen years. That is the time of separation for the kid, and the turmoil of becoming more like the same sex parent (as a young adult man or young adult woman) while simultaneously wanting to differentiate themselves from their parents in general is considerable. I think this is most true for sons and dads. I see struggles I had with our eldest son that my wife did not. My wife has had some of those struggles with our daughter, while I got a pass. But I think this gender related aspect of parenting is small potatoes compared to the other two reasons above. Also consider for families that have kids that are widely separated in age, that the young one trailing along at the end sees parents that are very different from the same people that were parents of the eldest child. These differences can sometimes be pretty big. The most obvious is the increase in experience in parenting. While every kid comes up as a rookie, sometimes they get veteran parents. Economic factors often favor the younger children too, as the parents become more affluent. Or, if there has been tragedy in the family the parenting dynamic change dramatically. But these are hardly gender issues. I do think there's a tendency to worry about the girls more, even though I know the chances that bad things are equally likely to happen to girls or boys. One more thing--as little ones, they're both about the same trouble to take care of but the little girls are much more fun to decorate! __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.