I thought he was going to marry me. He swept me off my feet and THEN the "Weeeeell, you know, I am married..." line came up. No, I DIDN'T know you were married, but by that time I was sooooooo completely gone on him I couldn't stop myself. To be brutally honest-when I look at this relationship I see me stroking a very large ego and him helping me with school in return. He is very, very kind but he is also very, very into his "world" of adoring undergrads (yes, wolf, he probably IS boffing one or two students), Fulbright dinners, vaca's to Europe and his gang of fab/brilliant friends. Do I sound jealous? He always lets me know when one or more of his students has a crush on him (this past year one even had a valentine all set up in his office for him--card, balloon, etc.
He's always going somewhere really cool or interesting, supporting the arts community and rubbing elbows with some people I would like to know.
Do I sound bitter?
I am. A little. But he does help me. He is helping me go back to the local University, going over my transcripts, giving me pointers on stuff...is this a fair trade? I'm asking because I honestly don't know.
I know this all may sound really obvious and stupid, but this is really where I am right now. On Monday, who knows? I go before the judge and I may be in bright orange for a while.
Thank you, all, for listening and offering some very good advice--I bought my copy of Chicken Soup to rip and burn just this morning!
That'll feel good!
I'm so disjointed and this post is all over the place but it'll get better. I promise.