Seriously though, it's modeled after a real incident. I just felt like getting silly with it.
I really did get bored at Pizza Hut, and I really did need to do something to keep the boredom from killing me.
Occasionally I would make pizzas a little differently than how they were supposed to be made. On one occasion, I was quite bored and had nothing to do, and I got an order - medium hand tossed, half pepperoni. Instead of making two distinct halves - one pepperoni, one just cheese - I did quarters. Two quarters were cheese, and two were pepperoni. It just so happened that the like quarters were opposite each other - as in, clockwise from top right, pepperoni, cheese, pepperoni, cheese.
Jenni got a kick out of it. Josh, the waiter, thought it was cool too. He took it out to the table. Then he comes back and talks to me.
"Man, that fucking idiot out there is pissed off about your pizza."
"Yeah?," I say. "What'd he say?"
"He was like 'What's this? I ordered half pepperoni, half cheese. Maybe I need to go talk to that cook. Maybe we need to discuss this outside.'"
I just found this to be the most comically ridiculous thing. He got a half pepperoni, half cheese pizza. Moreover, it was fucking spectacularly laid out - exactly half and half. I took a gander out at him and there's this college age dude with a girl. Of course, it makes sense to me then - he's doing this to look macho in front of his woman. Which means he's really just a big fucking sissy.
I've never been in a fight where I didn't wallop the living fuck out of the other person, so... his choice. A
big strong Pizza Hut cook versus some pimply faced assbite with an inferiority complex. I leave it up to you to decide who would win.
I tell Josh "Tell him that if he'd like to discuss it with me, it can certainly be arranged."
Needless to say, there was not another word from him.
