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Beestie · 05-02-2005, 09:24 PM

Give me a heart attack why dont'cha? I have a phobia about bees - its the only one I've got but what I lack in quantity I make up for in intensity.

Once, when I was little, my dad got up on the step ladder to remove an old birdhouse from our oak tree that my brother had built and mounted years prior as a boy scout project. We hadn't seen any birds use it in a long time so my can't-leave-well-enough-alone dad wanted to get rid of it. So, I'm "holding the ladder" and my dad scales up and swings his big hammer at the side of the birdhouse to dislodge it from the tree: WHACK!

Well, a black cloud with yellow trim poured out of that birdhouse like a volcano plume of scalding hot fury - about a zillion massive giant bumblebees. And they were PISSED! Dad fell off the ladder and, being little as well as terrified, I ran. And ran. And ran. Still running, I turn around and about six of 'em are hot on my trail. I ran next to a lamppost, hooked it with my arm, did a 180° but the bees kept going straight.

They messed up my dad pretty good. And the hammer fell on his head after he fell off the ladder. All in all, not a good day.

Another time, also as a little kid in rural Georgia, I stepped on a yellow jacket nest. Yellow jackets are actually wasps. And wasps are mean little bastards. They live in below-ground nests and you'd never notice them. Until you step on one. Then, they swarm up your pants legs and start stinging the living shit out of you. So now, you have two pant legs full of angry, vengeful, venom-dripping bees who just can't sting you fast enough or hard enough. Meanwhile, another posse is taking aim at my neck as I limp away like I just had one of those ambiguous diarrhea farts. And and they don't just land softly and poke around for a tender spot. They actually slam into you with stinger already extended - tucked under their thorax - aiming straight ahead. As I lumbered towards the safety of the screened-in porch, one Tobasco-dipped dart after another are being fired out of a slingshot into my flesh. Forget about outrunning them, anyway - they move through the air with astonishing speed. I swelled up like a balloon and was throwing up half the night.

No wonder I hate bees. Brrrrrrrrrr! [shudder!] [uninteligible shiver mumble]

05-02-2005, 09:24 PM	#4
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Give me a heart attack why dont'cha? I have a phobia about bees - its the only one I've got but what I lack in quantity I make up for in intensity. Once, when I was little, my dad got up on the step ladder to remove an old birdhouse from our oak tree that my brother had built and mounted years prior as a boy scout project. We hadn't seen any birds use it in a long time so my can't-leave-well-enough-alone dad wanted to get rid of it. So, I'm "holding the ladder" and my dad scales up and swings his big hammer at the side of the birdhouse to dislodge it from the tree: WHACK! Well, a black cloud with yellow trim poured out of that birdhouse like a volcano plume of scalding hot fury - about a zillion massive giant bumblebees. And they were PISSED! Dad fell off the ladder and, being little as well as terrified, I ran. And ran. And ran. Still running, I turn around and about six of 'em are hot on my trail. I ran next to a lamppost, hooked it with my arm, did a 180° but the bees kept going straight. They messed up my dad pretty good. And the hammer fell on his head after he fell off the ladder. All in all, not a good day. Another time, also as a little kid in rural Georgia, I stepped on a yellow jacket nest. Yellow jackets are actually wasps. And wasps are mean little bastards. They live in below-ground nests and you'd never notice them. Until you step on one. Then, they swarm up your pants legs and start stinging the living shit out of you. So now, you have two pant legs full of angry, vengeful, venom-dripping bees who just can't sting you fast enough or hard enough. Meanwhile, another posse is taking aim at my neck as I limp away like I just had one of those ambiguous diarrhea farts. And and they don't just land softly and poke around for a tender spot. They actually slam into you with stinger already extended - tucked under their thorax - aiming straight ahead. As I lumbered towards the safety of the screened-in porch, one Tobasco-dipped dart after another are being fired out of a slingshot into my flesh. Forget about outrunning them, anyway - they move through the air with astonishing speed. I swelled up like a balloon and was throwing up half the night. No wonder I hate bees. Brrrrrrrrrr! [shudder!] [uninteligible shiver mumble] __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦ Last edited by Beestie; 05-02-2005 at 09:29 PM.