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What a heavy thread. I wish I had some helpful advice I could give you both, but I have no insights on this one.
Buster, it sounds like you are ready to seek some help. That's great. Seriously. You should do it.
I don't hate you Brianna. In fact, I really hope things go as well as they possibly can for you from here. It must be really scary waiting to find out exactly what is going to happen next. Hang in there.
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