mrnoodle, I want to answer your first question now. I'll wind up repeating some of what I've already said.
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Originally Posted by mrnoodle
I suspect that you are the kind of empathetic person who sees your own child in the eyes of every other child, and that's a good thing. But not every child is as well-adjusted as yours, and not every teacher is a trained expert in handling every random behavioral oddity that comes through her door.
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Let me start by saying thank you for the nice compliment. It is not hard for me to see my child in the eyes of every other child. This is not just my hyperactive imagination at work. Gosh this is difficult to explain. Seriously, I know they're not
my kids. Duh. But I view them as if they're worthy of the same respect, and effort and love that my kids deserve. And I try to act accordingly. I am straining to avoid melodrama here, but if children are not thought of as precious, and treated as precious, what the fuck are we doing here?
EVERYBODY gets this on some level, tobacco companies, MTV, McDonalds, schools, contries (Italy, negative birthrate, aging population) GW and SS, even the nook-yu-lar family gets it.
Shit.
I started off saying thanks for the compliment and drove it into the ditch. Ok, seriouisly, I do have empathy for children. But not just the good ones. All of them. I aim high. And I am often rewarded only by the effort of the child. But sometimes I am rewarded by their efforts and their success! But even when I am rewarded with scoffs of derision, I know that I have planted seeds of hope and love. The germination and growth of those seeds is not my department. But I sow and plant and water and weed and nurture. The rest (well, really all of it, I'm just a steward) is in God's hands.
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Originally Posted by mrnoodle
BigV, is it the image of the girl wearing handcuffs that's so objectionable, or the actual long-term effect on the child herself? Because she'll live. Having to hold her hands behind her back for 15 minutes will not scar her nearly as deeply as 1) whatever environment fostered her acting out; 2) being allowed to throw tantrums unchecked; 3) growing up in a world where your every action is viewed through a filter of pop psychology and victimhood rather than personal responsibility.
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Yes, the image is horrid.
The long term effects chill me as well. Not only for the child, because I believe that adverse circumstances far worse than this can be overcome. But also for the school and our society as a whole. This should not be how we respond to kid's tantrums. It is an isolated incident? I hope to God it is. Is this the beginning (or continuation) of a trend? Maybe, a strong maybe. Probably, even. That makes me sick.
Sick because it's sooo much emphasis on the symptom at the expense of neglecting the problem. I played water polo in school. It's a tough sport, and I loved it. Our coach would drill us to death. Passes, plays, drills, sprints, manouvers, practice practice practice. Practice makes perfect, right? Coach says NO. Perfect practice makes perfect. His point is that if we practice sloppy, we play sloppy. He's right. If we practice hookin up kindergarteners, that's how we'll play...Bad precedent.
Yeah, she'll live. I have no fears on that score. I know bupkis about her home environment. If you do, share.
I want to take #s 2 and 3 together. Unchecked tantrums and pop psychology and victimhood versus personal responsibility. The personal responsibility idea is key here. The little girl IS responsible for the tantrum, in a...mathematical sense or whatever, literal sense. But what a tantrum is is the loss of control. Sometimes that loss of control can be a conscious decision, like when you dive into a fight. Sometimes it can be faked, just the illusion of the loss of control. I don't think either of these apply to the little girl. It's possible, but I don't think so.
Regardless, I say that the adults bear the final responsibility. What if the kid thinks it's ok to dart into the street, into traffic. Maybe the kid just wasn't thinking, they were just chasing after their ball. Or maybe they knew the rules about the street and decided it was ok and went anyway. The adult now has a responsibility. Standing on sidewalk with the kid? Grab them if possible. Shout NO! STOP! The adult driving the car? Dynamite the brakes or steer around. The kid's behavior propel the situation. Yes, they're responsible in that way. Responsible too for poor judgement or lack of judgement. Now it's up to the adults to act. In this analogy, the teacher and the vice principal are easy on the brakes. Hell, maybe their brakes just aren't that strong.
But the kid's not in control, the teacher couldn't get and keep control, the vice principal is out of her depth. Call the cops. They were able to exert contol. I am sad this happened, as we all are. I am disappointed in the school staff, I have higher expectations. I am alarmed that the cops needed to do what they did to achieve the result they sought: "Jaieesha, you need to calm down and you need to do it now. OK." Then the cuffs. It looks lazy and overcautious. I mean, what the hell! What crime was committed here? Where's the personal safety threat? The cops have a hard job too. No question about it and dangerous as well. It is harder to do just the right thing and no more, but this was more.