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staceyv · 04-25-2005, 05:42 PM

Well, you guys are right. I'll probably accept any treatment from him. You know why? The best job skill I have is as a waitress and I HATE waitressing. He is my only hope of getting out of this rut. I can't manage going to school and working, and it's very difficult to impossible for me to get another job because I need time off every month for my period. If I don't have a man to take care of me, I am totally fucked. I already went through that- trying to support myself by waitressing. I was so behind on the bills, racked up so much credit card debt, I almost married an illegal Brazilian guy for $5,000. That's desperate. I don't want to do it on my own. I just can't. And I won't go and live with family like a bum. And I can't be with just any man. I have genuine feelings for Arsen and I'm attracted to him. So yeah, I am dependent on him for my financial security, and I am deathly afraid of having to support myself and be a waitress forever. All I want is for him to pay the bills and let me be domestic. I guess I can deal with any bad habits he has, because anything is better than being on my own, supporting myself as a waitress. He is helping me a lot, even now, by paying half of the bills and holding me at night. And I love him for being nice to me, and never making demands of me, and making me laugh. Even if he's never able to manage paying for everything, and I have to bring in some money, It's still a whole lot better than supporting myself waiting tables.
And I've already tried dating "successful" men. I even dated two millionares. One of them, I didn't trust for various reasons, and the other one was 44 and I just didn't want to kiss him. And I realized that I need to have REAL feelings for somebody to be with them, no matter how successful they were. So, I went for love instead of money and fell head over heels for Arsen. I still love him, and my life is better off with him than without him. So I guess I'd better get used to the idea of cleaning the whole apartment or living in filth, because I'm not leaving him...That doesn't mean I am a total pushover- he doesn't know how much I need him. I act pretty self-confident, because I know that being needy and dependent is NOT attractive. But yeah, the sad truth is, I feel like my life is going nowhere and I need a man to support me. Ugh.

04-25-2005, 05:42 PM	#42
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	Well, you guys are right. I'll probably accept any treatment from him. You know why? The best job skill I have is as a waitress and I HATE waitressing. He is my only hope of getting out of this rut. I can't manage going to school and working, and it's very difficult to impossible for me to get another job because I need time off every month for my period. If I don't have a man to take care of me, I am totally fucked. I already went through that- trying to support myself by waitressing. I was so behind on the bills, racked up so much credit card debt, I almost married an illegal Brazilian guy for $5,000. That's desperate. I don't want to do it on my own. I just can't. And I won't go and live with family like a bum. And I can't be with just any man. I have genuine feelings for Arsen and I'm attracted to him. So yeah, I am dependent on him for my financial security, and I am deathly afraid of having to support myself and be a waitress forever. All I want is for him to pay the bills and let me be domestic. I guess I can deal with any bad habits he has, because anything is better than being on my own, supporting myself as a waitress. He is helping me a lot, even now, by paying half of the bills and holding me at night. And I love him for being nice to me, and never making demands of me, and making me laugh. Even if he's never able to manage paying for everything, and I have to bring in some money, It's still a whole lot better than supporting myself waiting tables. And I've already tried dating "successful" men. I even dated two millionares. One of them, I didn't trust for various reasons, and the other one was 44 and I just didn't want to kiss him. And I realized that I need to have REAL feelings for somebody to be with them, no matter how successful they were. So, I went for love instead of money and fell head over heels for Arsen. I still love him, and my life is better off with him than without him. So I guess I'd better get used to the idea of cleaning the whole apartment or living in filth, because I'm not leaving him...That doesn't mean I am a total pushover- he doesn't know how much I need him. I act pretty self-confident, because I know that being needy and dependent is NOT attractive. But yeah, the sad truth is, I feel like my life is going nowhere and I need a man to support me. Ugh.