[Catwoman]

I had a white baby bath and I was making something in it (possibly a mini town out of plasticine) and for some reason it was filled with water (maybe I was making a lake). The next day I discovered a huge dead spider floating in it, which gave me horrible feelings of repulsion and guilt. I remember either leaving it there or doing something to make me think I was a horrible person. I had to get mum to clean it out because I couldn't bear it (poor woman). I was between the ages of 2 and 6 at the time (because of the house I was living in).

I also remember having whooping cough at the age of 3 or 4, not the actual coughing but watching Sesame Street on mums shitty black & white TV in her bedroom.

I also remember being in town with my mum and a stranger asking me where I lived, so I dutifully recited my exact address including postcode. Mum later informed me that this was not something I should tell strangers, which was probably the first instance of enormous confusion over what people say and what they actually mean (read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime). Again, I was between the ages of 2 and 6.

Oh yeah and I remember during the same period there was a cat that lived next door, or a few doors down, who was always neglected, so we decided to adopt it. I remember one day putting it (or perhaps it was another cat) in the dustbin and sitting on the lid. It then occured to me that this was incredibly cruel (although I was curious, and I think I got some sick pleasure from it at the time, feelings of control....???) and promptly removed the cat from the dustbin, stroked it and apologised, while feeling very guilty indeed.

Christ this is quite revealing; no I don't have a history of animal abuse or anything, quite the opposite, but perhaps it explains my feelings of doubt that I'm a good person and my insistence on truth and reality.