[mrnoodle]

actually, since you're using "moon" elsewhere, it would be nice to change the first line to something like "pool of silver" or "pale gauze of light" or whatever. You're comparing it to a blanket of frost, so descriptive words along that line work. Because of the late hour, moonlight is implied.

I dunno how free you can be when translating things. In the original language, there is very likely a deeper meaning to the phrase you've translated as "pool of moonlight."