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Old 03-30-2005, 10:24 AM   #3
Beestie
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Parts unknown.
Posts: 4,081
THE mountain moon fixes the experience in time and space - it becomes an experience unique to the author.

A mountain moon is a moon that the reader can share in.

A mountain moon is any mountain moon whereas THE mountain moon cannot be "re-experienced."

Also, I would either invert "pool moonlight" into "moonlight pool" or add the word "of" in front of moonlight. If it were me, I'd invert the order and avoid the "of."

My two cents, anyway.

Oh, I forgot to ask - is the original version of this poem Japanese?
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Last edited by Beestie; 03-30-2005 at 10:31 AM.
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