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Beestie & Brian are right on the money so far as I can see. . . Communication is the key.
As for how far I would go... The dramatic stuff I won't do. . . but I do mean dramatic by that, though. No dismemberment, death, animals, kids or excretement. Pain is good, though I would rather some kinds of pain over others. . . oh - and I won't dom over anyone. Ever. Just won't happen. I'm a subbie through and through (in the bedroom anyway :p ) One of my boyfriends doesn't do the dom thing, either. So when we're together, he pushes his limits for me, and I try to be aggressive (I'm terrible at it, but he appreciates the effort). He and I would certainly not work as an exclusive couple.
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