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I received a vaguely hamster related call the other night ...
Caller (frantic): My 7 year old killed the hamster!! What should I do?
Wolf (sorting through all kinds of really good possibilties that would get her fired: Call this other number. They specialize in children.
(what were the other possibilties, you may wonder? --- "Give your kid a damn good spanking." "Dig a small hole in the backyard and dump it in." "Is your small monsterchild also lighting fires and wetting the bed? Kill him now before he grows up and moves on to humans." "Go buy another hamster and hope your other kid doesn't notice.")
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