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Undertoad · 03-08-2002, 07:56 AM

Good post sir.

As for me, I think it's a simpler thing: both my wife and I come from "non-standard" family situations, and for one reason or another, these situations made us less oriented around being parents. It's just not instinctive in us like it seems to be in most others.

I grew up with a single-parent mom and no siblings after my father died when I was 3. I have a close relationship with mom (she may well read this, for example), but it's not your traditional situation and somehow it makes me less driven to develop the same old family unit.

It also makes my view of the world fairly selfish, and on this point your words on the subject apply to me as well.

I still might have gone the traditional route if my wife were the family-oriented sort, but she grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional family, which led her to a complete disinterest in the whole family life. I can easily see how, despite having gotten past the dysfunction to become a very fine person, Mrs. Toad would pass along a lot of that dysfunction to children. And I would bring a lot of dysfunction to the table myself, what with my non-standard childhood. It's not that there's anything wrong with us, but one has to admit one's situation...

Also, I read once where people who were surveyed about their lives did not generally have a lot of second thoughts about their choice of spouse, but often did have second thoughts about their choice to have kids. Watching our friends' children and seeing how their lives changed, I just know that I would be one of those with second thoughts.

I definitely don't share the "how can you bring a kid into this world" sentiment. There is still progress in this world, and I believe that things are getting better, not worse. I don't buy any of the population bomb or zero-sum theories, and one couple's decision isn't going to have any impact whatsoever on the built-in human behavior of billions and billions of people. Bringing a child into the world who will be productive and create new things is a net positive.

My only regret is that I expect to have less of an understanding of how the world works and how people work. The understanding of developmental psychology that comes from actually developing a kid must be tremendous. I would like to have that kind of wisdom but the price is just too high.

03-08-2002, 07:56 AM	#2
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Good post sir. As for me, I think it's a simpler thing: both my wife and I come from "non-standard" family situations, and for one reason or another, these situations made us less oriented around being parents. It's just not instinctive in us like it seems to be in most others. I grew up with a single-parent mom and no siblings after my father died when I was 3. I have a close relationship with mom (she may well read this, for example), but it's not your traditional situation and somehow it makes me less driven to develop the same old family unit. It also makes my view of the world fairly selfish, and on this point your words on the subject apply to me as well. I still might have gone the traditional route if my wife were the family-oriented sort, but she grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional family, which led her to a complete disinterest in the whole family life. I can easily see how, despite having gotten past the dysfunction to become a very fine person, Mrs. Toad would pass along a lot of that dysfunction to children. And I would bring a lot of dysfunction to the table myself, what with my non-standard childhood. It's not that there's anything wrong with us, but one has to admit one's situation... Also, I read once where people who were surveyed about their lives did not generally have a lot of second thoughts about their choice of spouse, but often did have second thoughts about their choice to have kids. Watching our friends' children and seeing how their lives changed, I just know that I would be one of those with second thoughts. I definitely don't share the "how can you bring a kid into this world" sentiment. There is still progress in this world, and I believe that things are getting better, not worse. I don't buy any of the population bomb or zero-sum theories, and one couple's decision isn't going to have any impact whatsoever on the built-in human behavior of billions and billions of people. Bringing a child into the world who will be productive and create new things is a net positive. My only regret is that I expect to have less of an understanding of how the world works and how people work. The understanding of developmental psychology that comes from actually developing a kid must be tremendous. I would like to have that kind of wisdom but the price is just too high.