[99 44/100% pure]

All said and done, your friend needs to respond to the divorce decree within the 30 days. The good news is she doesn't need an attorney, nor does she have to appear in court to do this. She will, however, need to come up with the money to notarize her response. All the other cockamamie plans (such as calling the judge -- a major gaffe!) would waste time, money and any good will the court may harbor toward her before facts are disclosed in this case.

To respond to the filing, she needs merely to write a letter, whose format she can get from the court clerk where the papers were filed (instructions may even be included with the papers she received). In general, she needs to cite the items she is not on agreement with, and her proposed language for those items. In addition, it would help her case to write up a BRIEF (and it's called a brief because that's what it should be -- 1 to 2 pages AT MOST).

It should include:
1) an opening statement--an introduction explaining--in two short sentences-- the current problem (that she wants to retain legal custody while not in proximity to the child; and hopes to eventually regain joint physical custody);
2) a chronology (best way to keep to the point is to do it in a chart form) showing dates, events, and why they occurred;
3) an explanation of what 'remedies' she would like (deferral of child support, granting of joint legal custody, possibilty to review physical custody award when she returns to US).

All of this gets notarized where ever she is and is sent to the correct address BEFORE THE DEADLINE. She should make sure that anyone who is REQUIRED to get a copy (like her husband and/or his attorney) get their copies on time, as well. She might consider getting copies of his filing and her response to you and your dad, as well, in case one of you can do something to help her.

Some other points:
I believe, from what you tell us here, that your friend's behavior is reprehensible, and certainly will not help her case (especially regarding eventual physical custody).

It would take a number of slow, arduous administrative steps for your friend to end up in jail for non-payment of child support. In most states where this is a possiblity, this occurs long after the state has begun making payment on the delinquent parent's behalf, and then tried to collect from that parent. Parents who reasonably cannot pay are not often jailed; that would defeat the purpose. Jail is used to modify the behavior of a parent who can pay, but won't.

If she's not working, why is she hanging around in Croatia, anyway? Can her future hubby not get into the United States unless he is with her? Does she need to divorce and remarry before she comes back to the states? Seems like a better option for her would be to come back right away, move in with her mother and two of 3 kids, get ANY job, and start looking like a responsible parent.

Personally, she seems like a 'serial abandoner' -- she left the first 2 kids with mom (before the whole thing with hubby and kid #3?), then leaves a one-year-old with someone she's trying to tell the court is essentially an unfit parent. The kid has been without mom longer than with? Wouldn't it be upsetting to have her pop back into Dylan's life?

$115 is an unusually small amount of child support, even if she was just paying half or a third. These days, the courts usually have a statewide formula for what it takes to raise a kid, then look at both parents' salaries and charge each of them proportionately. Who has custody has no bearing on the amounts determined by the courts (in general).

I'd wish your friend good luck, but she sounds like a total ninny. On the other hand, I know from your posts that you have also had some outrageous events happen in your life, some due to bad judgement, some due to bad luck; yet you seem to be coming out of it OK. I guess my best wishes are reserved for the kids.


edited for spelling