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You're getting a little too close to that "evil mad scientist" archetype, there, Joe....
What about hamster turds for fuel? We could have the schools save them, just stuff the cedar chips into plastic bags and send them off to Washington DC. Volunteers could sort out the turds as part of their 2-year national service program.
The turds could also be formed into little bricks and used by Habitat for Humanity to build houses for the poor. Hence the term, "built like a shit brick house."
Er, or something.
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