Originally posted by Kitsune
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So what is with all the battered women who always end up in abusive relationships and seem to need it? The "oh he beats me up now and then but he still loves me" kind? Those people are way, way too far gone.
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That's a good question and I'm not really expert enough to say. My opionion is that women (and men) who stay in abusive relationships do so because the abuse is inextricably intertwined with the emotion of love as a result of how they were treated as children and that any love offered to these people that is not accompanied by abuse seems shallow and unsatisfying.
Imagine a rope with 100 strands. 35 of the strands are abuse but to the abused, the entire rope - each and every strand is love or some aspect of love. The outsider sees the 35 abuse strands and rejects the entire rope out of hand. The abused will always choose the "stronger" love - the 100 strand rope. The only difference they see is the relative strength of the two ropes. A bizzare example but hopefully it makes it clearer.
Children learn love from how their parents treat them. Their understanding of love becomes ingrained so deeply that they are not even aware, when they grow older, what its constitution is. When children are abused, the abuse and love, in the mind of the child, become one. Later in life, when a grown up abused child encounters a relationship that has the same character as their relationship with the abusive parent (abuse/outpouring of affection/abuse/affection/etc.) they are almost certain, other details excepted and the timing is right, to fall in love.
My guess is that if we could all look inside ourselves and look at the substance of love - what's in our mind - what its made of and where it came from - that a lot of us would be shocked and some of us would be terrified. I think our mind realizes this and takes extraordinary measures to protect us from that information. And I think this is why a lot of what passes for love in this world makes no sense at all.
[edited - rope example added - no other changes]