The bed of the future
 

Have trouble sleeping due to nervousness, paranoia, or bio-chemical terrorist attacks? Have a touch of agoraphobia? Do you hate getting out of bed to go to the bathroom? Do you enjoy the dark cozyness of a tomb? Then look no further for the bed of your dreams... presenting the Quantum Sleeper!

This is one tight piece of bedroom furniture, though you may have some trouble finding a matching dresser.

Some of the Features:

• 1.25" Polycarbonate Bulletproof Plating/Shielding
• Bio-Chemical Filtered Ventilation
• Rebreather
• One way see through head cover (reflective mirror on 2 sides and front)
• Safety Features (Proximity Sensor, O2 Sensor, Smoke Det., Motion Det. etc)
• Emergency Communication system (Cellular, Short-wave Radio, CB etc)
• Air/Water Tight Sealing
• Battery Backup Power
• Toiletry system
• Optional CD/DVD player, Microwave and Refrigerator

For a high-tech bed, I think the list under "entertainment" is alarmingly short and misguided. But that's just me.

Missing features:

• Coin-operated vibrating mode
• The Clapper(tm) operated Barry White grooves
• Retractable lava lamps
• Cigarette dispenser

We should compile a list of these and other missing features, and mail them to the company.

I doesn't say anything about pistol holsters or rifle and shotgun scabbards. The model up at Fort Slang comes standard with those.

I would consider those essential in a biosafe containment system like that. Once the neighbors know I have one, they'll want to get in and I have to defend my territory.

Can it double as a coffin? :)

Built in unisex copulation simulator with optional wet spot avoidance system?

I might be overlooking it, but I don't see anything in there anywhere about it's safety during a fire. Sure, the thing itself may not burn but you'd be slowcooked on the inside if you were closed up in that thing and a fire broke out. I'd figure a house fire is much more likely to happen than much of the stuff they're claiming it protects against.

Just crank up the optional AC! Seriously, I seem to recall reading about it's safety in a fire. Somewhere in there. I still want to see an MSRP.

Where's the wheels and the engine?

Well, security aside, from an over-40 perspective it means not having to get up and walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night for those of us who do not wish to avail ourselves of bedpans or adult diapers. Plus it will now be completely legal to fart in bed. :fart:

It's an option
Fire Resistant:The Quantum Sleeper Unit must be located on a ground level to prevent falling through floor structure as a result of fire damage if the unit will include this feature. :)