A funny thing happened on the way to the forum
 

Act I
The Scene: March 14, 44 BCE.
The Place: The palace of Julius Ceasar.

Soothsayer: Beware the Ides of March!
JC: That's why you're not my accountant anymore. Tax day is the Ides of April now, you fucking idiot.

Calpurnia: But sire, a lioness hath whelped in the streets tonight.
JC: Well, I've some pretty stange sexual enounters in my time, but I never fucked a lioness. No way are they gonna pin any child support from that pussy on me.
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Act II
The Scene: March 15, 44 BCE.
The Place: The Roman Senate.

Cassius: Ceasar, have you not caused riots in the streets?
JC: It is Spring Break, you know.

JC: E tu, Brute?
JC (thinking): Maybe I should have thought out my last words a little more carefully. That sounds gay as shit!

Excuse me,...bartender,...I'll have what he's having.:beer: