Cussin!
 

So I picked Jamey up from the babysitter last night, and she mentioned to me that he said "fuck". Yeah, I probably taught him the word somewhere along the line. I try to watch my language around him, but it slips once in a while.

I'm conflicted though. While I guess I don't want him to use curse words, the only reason I have a problem with it is because of the social stigma attached to these words. I think its stupid that 'shit' is a big, bad, naughty word, but 'poopies' which means basically the same damn thing is great for general use. 'Fuck', which is probably the swiss-army knife of the English language, is also the most reviled. Why exactly is that?

Will I continue to discourage him from using those words? Yes. Will I be more careful about what I say around him from now on? Yes. Is it okay to compromise your beliefs about something relatively harmless in the name of social acceptance? I dont know. I certainly don't want my son teaching those words to other small children whose parents would be upset by it, but I also want to raise him realising that if someone has a problem with any particular word he uses, its their problem, not his.

On the other hand. Bizarrely enough, I do have a problem with racial slurs and I intend to make sure he never uses them, at least not in the derogatory fashion. So am I sending a mixed message? If I want to instill in him the idea that racial slurs are bad, must I teach him that basic curse words are bad? Is it all or nothing? Is there room for compromise? Am I worrying too much about this?

Opinions?

Re: Cussin!
 

I don't find it bizarre at all to have beliefs against racial slurs, but not words like shit and fuck. Racial slurs are designed to degrade and insult another person, unfairly. Cuss words aren't necessarily for that, on their own. To say "FUCK!" after hitting your finger with a hammer, is different from calling someone a "fucker." But I think you and I can agree that calling people names is not acceptable at all for our son. So, while you don't really care if he says a word to express his emotions, you are morally opposed to him using any word to degrade or hurt another person. Does that sound right?

Yes, that would be an accurate statement.

Then, I think that is the answer. If we resolve to teach Jamey that it is hurtful to take his anger out on someone else, or that he should never call someone a derogatory name, it will be okay. Who cares if he says "Mommy had to clean up cat shit." Really, why is that a big deal?

Well, I wouldn't say it's a "big deal", but the problem (that I see) is that they may slip and say something in school, etc., and get into trouble. Also, I guess I'm "old fashioned", but I wouldn't want my child to cuss/swear at all in my presence (I guess because that's how I grew up) and I would find that a bit disrespectful. My family rarely (and I mean rarely!!) swears, not even a little bit, so I have no choice but to tone it down in front of them (and I tell Syc to do the same) just out of sheer respect. But hey, that's just me.

Good luck in whatever you do. :)

I can appreciate and respect your stance, Lady Sycamore, which is why we try and keep Jamey from using those words. I wouldn't want angry teachers and other parents after me for my son teaching other kids to talk that way. That could just be very bad. I also grew up in a "you never cuss" household. Many of us do. But since then many of my opinions have changed. Not that I WANT him to swear, but I don't see what all the fuss is about. After all, they are just words. Still, I respect the norms of society, and adhere to most of the social rules we have devised for ourselves. :D

I fully expect that people will know these words, and use them in sentences.

I use them in sentences more than merely often.

I have been known to insert fuck or fucking in between syllables as necessary.

However, because there are social situations in which it is definitely inappropriate to utilize these short, handy words of primarily Anglo-Saxon origin, the little guy should learn the difference. That level of discrimination usually doesn't set in until one's later childhood years.

So, unless you want him spending a lot of time in the principal's office, or causing coronaries in little old ladies when he asks "How the fuck you doin' grandma," I'd suggest a little parental correction now to save you a lot of trouble later.

I'm an atheist when it comes to bad words. I don't believe in 'em. They don't exist. Ain't no such thing as a bad word.

But there are enough believers out there that it's usually not worth arguing the point.

time and a place.


if you're kid is smart enough to know when it's ok and when it's not, then i say , what the fuck? why the hell not?

and judging by his parents, i'd say he probably is smart enough.

you guys are just so cute. can we move next door to you?

my kids can cuss appropriately and it goes right by me, but if they say it at the wrong time or in the wrong place, or use a cuss word gratuitously, then i stop them immediately and correct them. i get right in his ear and whisper, "spence, you'd better stop using those fucking words in public, or i'll tear your goddamn arms off and beat you with the wet ends." jk

he gets it.

Wolf is very right, the problem with children and cursing is that they don't understand when cursing is and is not appropriate.

If they learn English wrong to begin with, then it is going to be difficult to make them change their habits later. I've seen kids that can't conjugate the verb 'to be' properly because they have never heard anyone around them say it right. So they be saying shit wrong grammatically. The ultimate result is that even if the kid is smart, he sound uneducated. Fast forward to when they are trying to get a job. If they still haven't learned to speak and write properly, they are limiting their potential big time, no matter how talented they are otherwise.

Children should learn from day one to be able to speak correct english. When they get that under control then they should learn when the rules can be loosened and broken.