Things I'm tired of
 

I'm tired of being me.
I'm tired of fighting depression and anxiety.
I'm tired of being ignored to my face.
I'm tired of hanging by a thread.
I'm tired of being good when being bad netted better results.
I'm tired of health issues.
I'm tired of life.
I'm tired of hating myself.
I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tired of plugging away.
I'm tired that I'm tired of all these things, because all these things are dealt with by most of the population. Most people deal with life and put on a happy face. Most people accept it, some even seem to thrive.
But I'm tired of not being able to put on the happy face for the world. Scratch that, I'm tired of how tiring it is to put on the happy face, when mad face wants so much to be seen. And mad face is not attractive or acceptable.
I'm tired of knowing that if I hold on I will feel better. Because I will. Then I will feel badly again. I'm tired of waiting for that shoe to drop, all the tiring time.
I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of being tired.

And I'm tired of knowing that I will feel ashamed for feeling tired of all these things. Tired of being embarrassed for feeling all these things. Tired of asking myself why I can't just be a normal human being, and tired of comparing myself to everyone else, all the time, always, and in every way, and always coming up short.

Up in the mornin', out on the job
Work like the devil for my pay
But that old Congressman, has nothin' to do
But make trouble for me all the day

Fuss with my woman, toil for my kids
Sweat till I'm wrinkled and gray
While that old Senator, has nothin' to do
But make trouble for me all the day

Good Lord, up above, can't you know I'm cryin'
Tears well up in my eyes?
Send down Social Security, with a Medicare linin'
Lift me to Paradise

You seem to have a pretty good handle on how you feel. That's not meant in a mocking or sarcastic way at all. I'm not sure how to put it in words, but you seem to really have good insight into how you feel and what it all means to you. What makes you tick. A lot of people just plug along, not aware of what's going on with them. I'm not sure if that's a good thing for you, or a curse.

I'm sorry you are tired. My hope for you is that you can be kinder and gentler to yourself. I suspect that you are your harshest critic. You might want to try to be your greatest cheerleader.

I read about a study recently that said that when you think about yourself or talk to yourself, you should actually use your name. People will say things like "I suck" much more readily than, "Glatt, you suck." If you throw your name in there first, the rest of the sentence is far more gentle than it would be if you used "I" to start it off. It may feel weird to talk to yourself in the 3rd person, but you actually listen to yourself when you do. And that gentleness actually makes you feel better and is more likely to be effective in a positive way.

I used to look around at other people and think.... they seem to have no worries... why am I struggling so much just to get by... everyone else has their shit together.

and then I went through some REAL shit.... and realized that EVERYONE feels like that sometimes, and NO ONE really has their shit together like we think they do. except maybe glatt... lol

not saying you haven't been through some real shit. just telling you that you're NOT unique in this way.

surrender to the reality. do not resist. accept it or change it. YOUR perception of a SITUATION as a PROBLEM is what is causing your suffering. resistance to reality is the source of suffering. get some buddha up in your brain

I do try to say my name. It does tend to soften things. "insertname" what did you just do?

Thanks for your comment. I think you understand more about being heard and not being discounted than any of the therapists I've tried.

Yes, these things I know. I said in my post that I realize I am not unique (not in those words, no.) I know that things could be so much worse. And I acknowledged that things get better, then get worse again. I owned up to feeling envious of others even though I know everyone has their own stuff, and part of my problem I was venting about was that I can't seem to separate those feelings.

Maybe because I'm tired. :o

I thank you for your posts, and for not ignoring me or dismissing me outright. That helps, just that helps.

"Ignoring" a person conjures up an image of actively doing something. Of intentionality. "That person is ignoring me" sounds kind of like "that person is attacking me." But ignoring doesn't work that way. It's the absence of an action. It can be for any number of legitimate reasons, especially with internet posts, and many if not most of them have nothing to do with you. It's about what the other people out there are up to at the time you post your message.

So try to be kind to them as you also try to be kind to yourself.

I'm tired of waiting on hold for tech support. this is getting re goddmaned diculous.

45 minutes. 46. I opened this ticket on Dec 1. I called and left a message of WTF on the 4th. still no call back... and now 47 minutes on hold for these muckaluckas.

I pity the fool that finally answers the phucking phone.

Thinking some people have it worse doesn’t help. That’s like Mom saying, eat your Brussels sprouts because children in Africa are starving.
Thinking some people have it better doesn’t either. You don’t know, even if you know a lot about them, you don’t know what ties their gut in knots.

Look at your load of crosses to bear. Overwhelming? Break it down, and look at them one at a time.

1- Why is it a problem, why does it bother me?
2- Is this really a problem, or one of the another-damn-thing pile?
3- Is there someone I can blame to avoid self-loathing?
4- Can I fix it, how… (preferably without eating right, losing weight, sleeping more, exercising)?
5- Is there a drug that will fix it?
6- Is it really caused by another problem on the list? (check #2 again)
7- Evaluate/decide… how to fix it vs is it really a problem

WARNING – Fixing a problem may cause one or more new problems, or exacerbate one or more existing problems.

That process for each problem will entertain you for an entire sleepless night, and can be repeated as often as needed.

That. All of it.

You're singing my life.

Strumming my pain
singing my life with anon's words
Killing me softly with anon's post

Wow, right there with ya.
Pretending life is great is my attempt at "fakin it till I'm makin it."

me too :( except I'm only alone in the day. so I'm tired of being horrible to my family when they show up in the evening because the alone bit drove me insaner and all the bad things festered to exploding point. And I'm tired of pretending it's OK. because it's not

I have finally begun asking people, when they ask how I'm doing, do you want the social answer or the real answer?

Surprisingly, they ask for the real answer and I tell them and with a huge sigh of relief they say, "Me too!" and then admit how tough it is to keep up social appearances when life is actually a big pile of crapulence.

I tried that fff, but when they said "real" turned out they were lying. fuckers. my sister included, apparently.

Holy fuck, you guise...