Ummm...yeah, we're really sorry about that.
 

When Rho and I got home tonight, the first thing I did was check the mailbox. I noticed a long cylindrical object in there...Mom sent me a calendar. Good, b/c we need one. I look at the handwriting on it, and sure enough, it's from Mom.

When I pulled it out of the mailbox, I noticed that it looked incredibly dirty, and was wrapped in plastic. What the fuck?! And it looked like the plastic was put on there by the Post Office. Hmmm...

Then, as I inspected it closer, I saw a piece of paper inside with the calendar. I thought it was a note from Mom, but it was actually this:

http://msdelta.net/~sycamore/cellar/ponote.gif

If you live out this way, and you were expecting mail from St. Louis in early December and never got it, now you know why.

I hope no one lost any Xmas presents in that mess. But damn...that's kinda funny. It reminds me of the time I had to tell a customer that her order was destroyed in a UPS truck fire at JFK Airport in NYC.

But let's review this little note in detail, shall we?

--What kind of mechanical problem caused the fire? Hmmm...perhaps a leaking fuel line or a carburetor. That, or those two guys smoking weed in the trailer got some hot ashes on the mail.

--I'm glad no one got hurt, but [stereotypical american] who really gives a shit about that? It's all about my mail...it's all about me. Mememememe!!! [/stereotypical american]

--All the mail got fucked up? Damn, that must've been a hell of a fire.

--Heroic effort? What the...?

--Maybe I could cry emotional distress over not getting the calendar sooner, and sue the USPS. Then again, I've been waiting on a $6.60 refund from one of their vending machines for almost 4 years.

The calendar is a loss. Mom found the story amusing. I should have a new calendar by the end of next week.

The end. :)

So, you leave two unanswered questions ...

1. what was the theme of the calendar your mom sent you? Puppies? Kitties? Hooters Waitresses?

2. what was the actual extent of the damage to said calendar ... it might be amusing to have the tattered remains hanging off a hook in the kitchen so that all who enter chez sycamore may wonder at the soot-laden, water logged art display ...

1. It's really just a plain ol' calendar from my mom's place of business (a wholesale supplier of HVAC equipment).

2. The wrapping is heavily damaged (smoke). The calendar itself appears water and smoke-damaged on the sides and on the upper portion. The rest of it has little spots of water-damage here and there, but truth be told, it's still relatively usable.

Here's part of the wrapping (address blocked out):

http://msdelta.net/~sycamore/cellar/ponote2.gif

No one will probably ever see it except for Rho and I...we don't get visitors in these parts.

My new calendar arrived Thursday, and as you can tell from the wrapper, it arrived in much better shape than the first one:

http://msdelta.net/~sycamore/cellar/ponote3.gif

All right...who's the comedian?
 

I happened to be notified today that my guestbook had been signed last night. So, I went over to see who my newest fan was...

It turns out that the guestbook was "signed" by the Postmaster General of the United States, who advised me not to step on the post office's toes, and then pulled my address and phone number off of one of the online directories.

I suspect this was just someone being funny, and truth be told, I sorta set myself up for it. But if you did indeed leave the message (which has since been deleted), could you kindly shoot me a PM?

Gracias.

It was slang.

I asked him about it already...he insists he didn't do it...and I'm believing him on this one.

He certainly would have been on the top of my suspect list, but it doesn't _quite_ sound like his style. (for the record, I didn't do it either)

Can you match an IP hit to your site to the posting time on the message? that might narrow it down ...

Unfortunately, my newer guest book doesn't log IPs...my old one did. I don't keep track of the IPs, though Dave's server might.

Slang has freely admitted to me his various ummm...personalities. That's why when he said he didn't do it, I believed him right away.

Again, I'm not overly pressed about it. My thinking is that someone who visits the Cellar (regular or guest) saw this thread, and decided to be funny. I would just like to know who did it for my piece of mind. For all I know, it could be one of my friends from beyond Cellar-land that saw this and decided to play comedian.

(For the record, to the person that did it: My address listed in the white pages/online directories is incomplete. I happen to share my address with about 235 apartments and 500 other people, so good luck finding me. :) )

T'wasn't me. Perhaps it really was the postmaster general? Must we be so cynical? :)

I seriously doubt that the Postmaster uses an e-mail addy of snailmail@usps.com.

Not it. I do admire the gag though.:)

I understand why people would think so, but I always fess up if someone asks me. If someone were to pull the same thing on me, you can only imagine the hardware (claymores at the front door, LAW rocket under my jacket) I would be forced to carry around in anticipation of some crazed jackass attacking me. There's a fine line between playing a joke and being a dick, so I dont fuck around with people, especially all my friends here.

But don't you have that set up under ordinary circumstances for your mailman?

*what* mailman? :) Oooh, the dude that used to set my security sytem off. Haven't seen him in quite a while. I found his hat though.


Note to HB: I am in "nosebreather" mode for this pic