Dear Cellar:
 

It was suggested that I post each "Contact Us" to its own thread. Then everybody can answer the message and I can send the answers to the person.

We start

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Fromhttp://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif: kim @ The Cellar
Subject: The Cellar Contact Us Form - I have a question
http://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif

The following message was sent to you via the The Cellar Contact Us form by kim.

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I was thinking about getting a monkey and i was wondering if monkeys are legal in california and if certain types of monkeys are legal in certain states?

Thanks,
Kim

Dear Kim,

I don't think you need a monkey.

The Cellar.

kim,

It realy depends on what you intend to DO with the monkey. If you intend to eat it, it is NOT legal in California, but legal in Kentucky. If you intend to MARRY the monkey, you can only do that in Oklahoma. If you just want to keep it as a pet, you can do that in any state except Mississippi, provided you get a permit.

Bonjour Mme Kim:

Do you have a laaaahzhanzce fhor zat meeenkey?

Bon chance!

Teh Cellar

Dear Kim ,
Don't you like your face?

Dear Kim,

Spanking the monkey doesn't involve an actual monkey.

Offer void where prohibited by law and good taste.

Except in Nebraska.

Monkeys are legal in California, but only for medical purposes.

You may marry your monkey, but only if it is a heterosexual relationship.

Kim,

Thank you for your inquiry. Good luck with your monkey.
Just don't spank it, that can cause blindness - or so I'm told.

Kim,

Nobody 'thinks' about getting a monkey, they just get them on impulse. If anyone 'thought' about them and the hassle they can be, then they'd leave them in their environments and picture-books.
Also, you wouldn't look good in a yellow hat.

Kim,
Monkeys are evil. This is well established fact. Don't be foolish. Get a nice mutt instead. You will be happier.

Kim,

I'd have to see the look on the monkey's face before I would feel comfortable about advising you on purchase.

Love,
Brianna

Dear Kim,

are you going to actually send this back to them? if so, i vote for sweetwater's. the yellow hat bit made me laugh out loud. :2cents:

Dear Kim:

See, the thing about monkeys is...you never really have a monkey; ultimately, the monkey has you.

May I suggest you start with Sea Monkeys and see how that goes?

Sincerely,

Teh Cellar

Dear Kim,
We have a saying: "Monkey see, monkey do." If I have to spell it out for you in plain English that means if your monkey sees you, which is highly probable given that you are his owner and caretaker, then he will feel compelled to do you. Is that really what you want? An inter-species relationship? Please think this through.