Flame Warriors
 

Which one are you ???

no.....which one are YOU?

I think we have one of these here:

WARNING!!! YOU MUST READ THIS!!! Klaxon, the internet Chicken Little, raises the alarm for each and every paranoid conspiracy theory, Federal Big-Brother scheme, internet hoax, and latest computer virus. No black helicopter alert is so ludicrous, no urban legend so implausible, that he will not pass it along as accepted fact (in ALL CAPS with multiple exclamation marks). Congratulations, you are recipient 16,747 of today's Urban Myth. CAUTION: Evil Clown or even Klaxon himself may sometimes spread false alarms just to stir up trouble.

And maybe a couple of these:

Enfant Provocateur likes to stir up trouble because...because, well...just because. This species of Flame Warrior is almost always young and male - it could be just a hormone thing.

Maybe one or two of these:

Though Kung-Fu Masters are powerful Warriors, they generally choose not to fight. Many lesser Warriors delude themselves into thinking that they are masters of war, but few are the genuine article. The true Kung-Fu master fully appreciates his own superiority and is therefore unruffled by petty provocations. When forced to fight, however, he quickly crushes his opponent with devastating blows.

I've never seen one of these last long around here:

Innocence Abused guards her purity jealously and cannot countenance crude language and gets the vapors over frank references to intimate bodily functions. This digital ingénue is a very weak Warrior, and is a favorite target of Enfant Provocateur, Jerk, Troller, and Evil Clown, but Innocence Abused can always count on other Warriors, such as Cyber Sisters, Weenie and Toxic Granny, to come to her defense.

We definitely have at least a few of these:

As a forum participant Jekyll and Hyde always plays by the rules and is consistently cordial and helpful – a model netizen, until one day he comes completely uncorked and lashes out without warning. His unanticipated thunderbolts can temporarily rout even the sturdiest Warriors, and it often takes some time for his stunned opponents to mount a counter attack. Jekyll and Hyde’s sudden behavioral change may result from a psychotic episode, PMS, a downturn in the market, a surprise visit by the in-laws – or a session of hard drinking...

Oh look...a puppy dog:

Rottweiler Puppy is clumsy, marginally articulate, unsteady in his often playful attacks, but anyone who cares to notice will see that one day he will be a fierce and powerful Big Dog. HINT: By showing some patience and kindness to Rottweiler Puppy in his formative stages prudent Warriors may gain a steadfast and formidable ally.

I think there's one of these here:

Rebel Without a Clue's deep seated and infantile hostility to authority motivates his random and seemingly gratuitous attacks on list owners, Admins, Nannies or anyone else who attempts to maintain order and civility in discussion forums. Differing markedly from Rebel Leader, he is unattached to any cause other than petulance for its own sake, and will therefore seldom inspire general insurrection. In his frequent and ineffectual attacks on the established order he will often cite the Bible, or the US Constitution to support incoherent arguments. Rebel Without a Clue NEVER reads forum FAQs , and loudly decries as fascism any enforcement whatsoever of forum rules.

A couple of people cum to mind when I read this one:

Strumpet finds sex talk completely irresistible and constantly forwards excruciatingly unfunny and lurid jokes to the discussion forum. She always manages to sprinkle conversations with references to private parts and will never let pass without comment any mention of the words "eat," "enter," "come," "rub," etc. She disregards the women and flirts with all the men, often bragging that she has a husband or boyfriend that expertly satisfies her putatively voracious sexual appetite, but forum members....er, participants...quickly conclude no husband or boyfriend exists. Should any Warrior challenge her directly Strumpet will disparage her attacker's sexual orientation and/or penis size. CAUTION: Strumpet may be a man.

Does this remind you of anyone?

Fragile Femme is very needy and insecure and regards the discussion forum as her personal support group, and will lash out when her feelings are not "validated" by the others. Fragile Femme will often refer to the forum participants as her "family" and becomes distraught at disharmony of any kind. She regards a minor disagreement with her as devastating personal assaults and will often dissolve into hysteria when confronted. Her hyperactive sense of injury renders her fighting tactics fairly ineffective, but Innocence Abused, Cyber Sisters or Weenie will often spring to her defense.

He must have been watching "the clique" (not sure who the godfather is though. Do you have a clue?):

Forums often contain one or more unacknowledged sub-societies, but everyone except the most clueless know that these groups exist and constantly feel their influence. Such alliances congeal because of similarities in ideas and attitudes, or for the desire for power and influence within the forum. Since human beings are hierarchical creatures each of these these little mafias always have a Godfather who is surrounded by a cadre of loyal henchmen. Unlike Rebel Leader, Issues, Furious Typer and other noisy Warriors, Godfather only occasionally deigns to enter into discussions, but when he does everyone listens to him respectfully and his pronouncements have an air of finality. Though Godfather himself never engages in battle, it is commonly understood that his utterances should not be challenged, and when an unsuspecting Newbie or ambitious wannabe mounts a challenge to his authority Godfather’s henchmen viciously silence or drive away the attacker.

lol...ahuh...:

Whether through virtue, contributions, force of personality or sheer longevity certain forum participants will rise to form an aristocracy. While it is generally taboo to openly acknowledge the class distinctions, the hierarchy is well understood by all. While for the most part the Royals rule with magnanimity, they will not tolerate impertinence from the hoi polloi. It is their habit to remain aloof from petty squabbles among their subjects, but when full-scale war breaks out their intervention can be decisive.

I don't think we have one of these here:

ALLCAPS attempts to compensate for his limited rhetorical weaponry through the extravagant use of capitalized words - something netizens refer to as SHOUTING. Sure, a sprinkling of capitalized words can add some zip to a thrust, but they should be used sparingly. Even worse from a tactical point of view, too much shouting alerts other Warriors to the opponent's verbal WEAKNESS and emotional EXCITABILITY.

Doesn't someone around here collect screen shots?

Archivist saves and squirrels away each and every discussion forum message. Do you remember having a bad day back in 1996 when in one of your messages you may have said a few things that were...well, perhaps a little...hasty? Don't worry, Archivist still has it and will post it to the forum if you begin to get the upper hand in battle. Archivist can be a very effective and fearsome Warrior.