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-   -   Sorcery VS Rectum (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=13695)

lumberjim 03-28-2007 09:27 AM

Sorcery VS Rectum
 
You need an ass transplant or you'll die. The anus costs $25,000, and you can't find a donor.

Is this any different than someone putting a magic wand to your head and demanding $25,000 to not cast the spell? If it's different, how?

DanaC 03-28-2007 09:29 AM

lj are you very bored today?

TheMercenary 03-28-2007 09:37 AM

I would say you are basically hosed since you can't really get an ass transplant and magic is not going to cure your ailment. :D

DanaC 03-28-2007 09:41 AM

hehe....he said hosed...hehe

Shawnee123 03-28-2007 09:48 AM

I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."

Sundae 03-28-2007 10:01 AM

In the UK you are required to register your rectum at birth. The information is stored on an ID card in Whitehall. When you start earning a wage above the official poverty line, a Rectum Tax is applied to your wages on a Pay As You Go basis - the self employed have to calculate their own.

If at any point in the future you need a transplant, the money is taken out of this fund to do it. The poor get theirs free, the rich pay for it privately and the middle class have to wait for 6 months while all the paperwork is checked to make sure they have earned enough to cover the cost of the operation. Unless they submit the claim Out Of Hours, in which case they can only be operated on on the last day of any given month.

Seems perfectly fair and simple to me, and I don't understand why this isn't the model adopted by the US.

It is entirely different to being held to ransom by a magic wand. The first scenario is one you can plan for, whether by saving money yourself or committing to higher taxes. The second is one where someone without morals has been allowed to get hold of a dangerous magical item. Wands don't ruin arses, people do.

TheMercenary 03-28-2007 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123 (Post 327315)
I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."

"Butt, Butt, Butt (pun) I am entitled to a new one, cause this one is all worn out, and you should pay for me to get a new one..."

:bawling:

TheMercenary 03-28-2007 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl (Post 327322)
... and the middle class have to wait for 6 months while all the paperwork is checked to make sure they have earned enough to cover the cost of the operation. Unless they submit the claim Out Of Hours, in which case they can only be operated on on the last day of any given month.

And in which case your rectal disease has spread to your liver, brain, and bone and now there is no hope for you. To the back of the line you! :cool:

Spexxvet 03-28-2007 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim (Post 327297)
You need an ass transplant or you'll die. The anus costs $25,000, and you can't find a donor.
...

You don't have to pay $25,000 - there's an asshole in your chair at this very moment.

Oh no I di-int!:lol: :flamer:

Spexxvet 03-28-2007 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123 (Post 327315)
I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."

You know, if people wouldn't use anal loopholes, and avoid paying their anal tax, there would be plenty for everyone to have a minimal amount of rectal coverage. Instead we have our asses all over the world, shitting in Iraq and Afghanistan, wasting our sphincters on foreigners. The nerve!

Shawnee123 03-28-2007 11:28 AM

Damn, you are the funniest people on earth!

TheMercenary 03-28-2007 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet (Post 327381)
You know, if people wouldn't use anal loopholes, and avoid paying their anal tax, there would be plenty for everyone to have a minimal amount of rectal coverage. Instead we have our asses all over the world, shitting in Iraq and Afghanistan, wasting our sphincters on foreigners. The nerve!

Yep, it will eventually wreck tem.:p

lumberjim 03-28-2007 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet (Post 327376)
You don't have to pay $25,000 - there's an asshole in your chair at this very moment.

Oh no I di-int!:lol: :flamer:

i think that would cause a rectal-donor-feedback loop that would in turn cause a collapse of the space-time facbric in my immediate region. once that kind of thing gets going, it just sucks up everything around, including canal water. I've been told that my ass sucks canal water, but i didn't appreciate it at the time, and if for no other reason than to thwart the accuracy of that statement, I'll have to decline to provide my self with my self as an asshole donor. I would accept your lips, however......as they are quite sphincter like and already shitty. ;)

Spexxvet 03-28-2007 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim (Post 327395)
... I would accept your lips, however......as they are quite sphincter like and already shitty. ;)

Shitty? I only toss clean salads

lumberjim 03-28-2007 02:41 PM

shitty in the metaphorical sense, of course.


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