What am I gonna do with this kid?
 

Today my daughter came home from school with a letter. It said, basically, that one of the school staff had noticed her doing something exceptionally nice, beyond what they normally expect, for another student. As a result she's had her name put down for the "good citizenship" award. (The prize is a special before-school breakfast with some of the others who got it.) (I know you're all wondering what she did. I am too--the letter didn't say, and she's not really sure herself!)

While she was doing her homework it came to light that she had spilled paint over her homework assignment book. She had rewritten the assignments for math, language arts, and science. She hadn't rewritten anything for social studies. Now, it just so happened that the extent of the paint "spillage" covered Tuesday. Not Monday. Not Wednesday. So being the suspicious person that I am, I got a butter knife and started scraping. Sure enough there was a note from her social studies teacher that she bombed a test last week and needed to retake it.

I don't mind her messing the test up nearly as much as I do that she a) pulled this paint trick and b) thought we'd fall for it. But it's just highly ironic, and typical, that it came on the same day as the letter about the good conduct award.

A career in politics...
;)

that's kidz for you man. reward the good behavior and nail her butt to the wall for what is effectively telling a lie.

I agree with Lookout .

That is pretty creative. Our kids used to just throw away their work until finally a teacher would call and say "why aren't your kids doing their homework?"

Yep make a big deal about the cover-up (short of impeachment) and be supportive about the bad grade. I've got a slippery kid here as well, she's very emotional so we work on getting her to make rational decisions about this performance stuff.

Well it usually goes back to organization. Why did she get a bad grade? They had done in-class review etc. but ultimately she didn't have her book at home to review the material the night before. One of her teachers had offered to sit down with her for 5 minutes after school each day and make sure she had all her homework assignemtns down etc. but this particular day the teacher was out. Of course she can't rely on that kind of help forever, and I'd like to think if she has really learned the material she will do slightly better than a 55 even without studying the night before.

you may have a different view of education but my $.02 is that you should encourage her about the grade. bad grades happen. that isn't a good thing, but it is expected. encourage her to strive for better, blah, blah, blah. but i wouldn't make a big deal out of the grade otherwise it will only reinforce her instinct to hide them from you. i would be extremely hard on her for the REAL mistake - she lied and tried to hide something from her parents. make it very very clear that you would hav been mildly annoyed and dissatisfied with a poor grade, but you are extremely hurt and disappointed that she sacrificed your trust with deceit.

that is just me though.

Yeah, you have to do something about the lying. For the grade thing you need to work on the underlying issue. Poor time/work management skills? Make sure she is clear on how to keep track of tests and assignments and how to prepare.

One of the good things about the gradeschool my kids go/went to is that they do train them in study management skills. Every year they received a daily planner and were taught how to fill it out and keep track of it. They also send a work packet home every week and the parent is required to sign it. You never wonder how your kid is doing.

Oh another big aggravation... we have a very simple rule: no food anywhere except in the kitchen or dining room. But our daughter is constantly squirreling away chips, popcorn, candy, etc. in her bedroom. It must be mean something.. but what? Just trying to annoy mom & dad? Food issues?

Asserting her own power.

Well, what did you do with the kid? How did she respond?
The food thing is likely her testing her independance of you. Reinforce the WHY of the no food rule. Maybe rent a carpet cleaner and let her spend a Saturday helping to clean the carpets. That autta send a pretty clear message :) Or, show her the pictures of the glue traps (that are in the close ups thread I think) with all the bugs on them, and tell her that's what will be colonizing her bedroom if she doesn't keep the food out of there. Good luck.

Do you think she gets enough privacy and individual attention?

I grew up hiding things from my parents, relishing secrets and sometimes telling pointless (and harmless) lies in order to have something unique to me.

I only figured out years later that this was probably connected with sharing a bedroom with my sister, and the fact that we were always lumped together as "the girls" to differentiate us from my younger brother.

My older sister was a real home-bird, and quite shy so we went everywhere together - Brownies, dance classes, parties. We also shared our main out-of-school friend (our next door neighbour who went to a different school). The irony was that my sister was very likeable once she got past the shyness, and even at the time I resented the fact that she wouldn't be there without me, but people liked her better.

I wonder if being secretive is a way of feeling more important?

Oh, we've done everything short of taking a belt to her (which I'm opposed to and which I don't think would accomplish anything anyway and which I'd be lying if I said I've never been tempted). She always pleads remorse, but then the empty wrappers are back again a couple weeks later. (That's the other thing, she always hangs on to the wrappers in her nightstand or under her bed, which is how she gets caught. It's beyond me why she doesn't just put them in the kitchen trash; I hate to admit it but we'd probably be none the wiser.) We have had no insect infestations--hard to believe--though we've certainly used that as a reason why not.

SG, she has her own bedroom and pretty much as much privacy as she wants. I guess it must be an assertion of independence.

I remember as a kid, having a horrible ant infestation in my bedroom due to a hidden then forgotton opened box of brownie mix under my bed. My dad noticed the trail of ants on the outside of the house, all the way up to the second story then dissappearing under a board. Turns out they were heading to my bedroom.

I don't remember why I was eating the brownie mix straight out of the box. Probably was pissed that I couldn't have sweets or something. Who knows.