It's a Dog's Life I
 

Moron is an addict

'Hello, my name is Moron and I'm an alcoholic'
Thank you for coming Moron, what would you like to share
'Well, Hip had a dinner party at the weekend, lots of wine'
Yes go on
'Well they all went to bed and I got out, there was a half bottle of wine on the floor by the sofa with the cork only partly put into the bottle. I like to play with corks so I chewed it.'
That doesn't make you an alcoholic Moron
'Well, I knocked over the bottle and it started gurgling onto the carpet and I started drinking it. It tasted better than a puddle. Then the light went on and Hip was standing there. I was caught drinking on my own, in the dark behind a sofa.'
And what did Hip say?
'He said have you learnt how to use a f*@king corkscrew? how did you do that? BED. BED NOW...Jesus, look at the carpet'
'He made me come here, I don't think I have a problem'

Wow, its usually just my parents that stain the carpet red with wine at odd hours of the morning. They must drink like, a bottle a day...

My dog is much better behaved than them in that respect, definitely.

Next time, go for the kind that has caps instead of corks. That should foil Moron's drinking problem.:D

Paraphrase, Jake Johansen:
when you leave your house your dog is like "but I don't know how to work the can-opener!"
while your cat is like "what did you do with those black pants?"

you named your dog 'moron'? that's just rude. i wonder what his name for you is?